


only fools rush in

by bookishpanda



Series: Completed Sanders Sides Series [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Queerplatonic Relationships, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25236199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookishpanda/pseuds/bookishpanda
Summary: College AU. Roman lives with Patton and Logan, and Remus lives with Janus and Remus. Roman's got a massive crush on Virgil, Janus and Logan are in a QPP, and Remus... well, when he meets Patton, all bets are off.Co-Posted to my tumblr vindicatedvirgil
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders
Series: Completed Sanders Sides Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904593
Comments: 35
Kudos: 100





	1. two parties and a lot of crushes

“Wait, you have a  _ twin _ ?” Patton looked at Roman in deep disbelief. “Why didn’t you get an apartment with him?” Roman just shrugged, unloading one of his boxes into the closet, hanging up his shirts. “Lo, did you know about this?”

“Yes. He’s one of Janus’ new roommates,” the man in the tie said, leaning against the wall, eyes focused on the phone in his hand as he typed quickly. Patton’s jaw dropped, and he crossed his arms, frowning. 

“Yeah, he’s moving in with Virgil Cloud, too,” Roman said, eyes focused forward, but he couldn’t hide the light dusting of pink that appeared on his cheeks. Virgil was the techie for the last school production, and Roman couldn’t help but fall for the embodiment of a dark and stormy night, with his black nail polish and purple fringe and–

“Earth to Roman,” Patton was waving a hand in front of his face. Roman blinked, then smiled awkwardly at his pastel-clad roommate. “You should invite them all to a party tonight! Logan, will you tell Jan to bring his roommates along?”

“I- we were gonna…” Logan sighed, then nodded, head hanging in front of him, “I guess so.” He didn’t have the heart to tell his roommates that he and his partner had other plans for the evening, so he texted Janus quickly about the change.

_ Roman and Patton want you to bring your roommates over for a party tonight. We can leave early, though. -Logan _

_ A party could be fun, Lo. Besides, I think that Virgil has a crush on Roman. ~Janus _

_ I believe that it’s mutual. I don’t really want to stick my nose into their business, though. -Logan _

-

Logan opened the door to the apartment to see Janus, Remus, and Virgil standing there. Remus was holding a twelve-pack of beer, Janus had a bottle of wine, and Virgil kept his eyes down on the floor, not acknowledging anything as the three stepped into the apartment. Logan kept the door open since it was already warm in the apartment with the three of them; the end of summer was always unbearably hot in their town. Roman immediately gravitated towards Virgil as the others went into the kitchen to open their drinks.

“Hi Virgil,” Roman said, smiling brightly. “I don’t know if you remember me–”

“Of course I do,” Virgil muttered, leaning against a wall awkwardly. “You were the lead in the play last term.” Roman stammered over his words, his cheeks once again dusted with pink.

“Oh, yeah, yeah, that…” he chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “You uh, did a really great job as one of the tech guys. It was… awesome.”

“Thanks.” Virgil stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets, and he still hadn’t looked up at Roman.

“Can I uh… get you a drink or something? Or…” Roman’s words trailed off, he wished that Virgil would just look up at him and meet his eyes and then maybe they’d fall in love–

“Hey there!” Emile stepped in through the open front door, carrying a plate full of baked goods. “I just wanted to welcome you… oh, looks like somebody’s having a party!” Roman grumbled then went up to the man in the sweater, wondering how he could cope in the heat. “Hi there! I’m Emile Picani, I live downstairs!”  
“Nice to meet you. I’m Roman, and my roommates Patton and Logan are… somewhere,” he said, sticking his hand out. Emile giggled and brought the tall man in for a hug. “Oh, uh…”

“Sorry, I’m a bit of a hugger!” Emile laughed, setting the cookies down on a table. “You all go to the university? I’m working on my psychology doctorate there.” At this, Virgil perked up and came over, and Emile held his arms out for a hug.

“Please don’t,” Virgil muttered, and Emile backed up a little, giving a toothy smile. “Uh… you study psychology? I’m majoring in that…” He said shyly, and Emile pulled him by his wrist to the living room.

“Okay, I’m your mentor now! Let’s chat,” The two went to go sit down on the couch, and Roman frowned. Of course Virgil would be interested in chatting with someone in his field of study, but… he really wanted to talk to Virgil, maybe ask him on a date. He stuffed one of the cookies that Emile made into his mouth and groaned at how delicious they were. Of course he could bake. He’d probably be able to steal Virgil away, too.

Remus was peeking over the corner from the kitchen, and noticed his twin’s distraught demeanor. He thought about saying something, but out of the corner of his eye he saw Patton smiling brightly at something that Janus said, his sweater sleeves pushed up to his elbows, exposing colorful floral tattoos on his forearms, and that was it: Remus was smitten. He didn’t hesitate to approach the trio talking at the dining table, Janus’ chair scooted close up to Logan’s, Patton resting his chin on his hands as he listened to the pair recall how they decided to become partners over the summer break. Remus settled into a chair next to Patton, and silence fell over the table.

“I don’t believe we’ve met, cutie pie,” Remus said, raising an eyebrow at the small man. Janus and Logan exchanged a look and got up to go chat with Roman, and Patton turned his attention to focus directly on Remus.

“You must be Remus!” Patton exclaimed suddenly, eyes bright as his smile beamed at the curly-haired man, and Remus suddenly wished that he was wearing sunglasses. “I can’t believe I didn’t know that Ro had a twin!”

“Ah, you must be Patton,” Remus said, realizing that this was the roommate he didn’t know. Patton nodded excitedly. Remus stretched his hand out and grazed his fingers against the floral tattoos, and Patton shivered. “These are beautiful, though not as gorgeous as you, flower.”

“T-thank you,” Patton said, his face bright red at the fact that he was complimented and given a nickname. “Do you have tattoos?” Remus nodded and rolled up one of his jacket sleeves, revealing a morning star.

“I minor in medieval history. Weaponry is so fascinating,” he mused, and Patton nodded, brushing his short fingers over the tattoo. “I have a few more, but they’re in…  _ unique  _ places… Maybe I can show you someday, flower.”

“O-oh, uhm…” Patton stammered over his words, the blush spreading down to his neck and to his ears. “M-maybe…” Remus smirked, leaning closer to the small man.

“If I’m making you uncomfortable, please tell me,” He whispered, and Patton shook his head quickly, which made Remus smile. Patton wasn’t exactly Remus’ usual type; soft boys never paid much attention to those with piercings and a menacing glare, but Remus quickly realized that Patton wasn’t like the others.

“Y-You’re not…” Patton’s face was so red and warm that he felt like he could explode. No one like Remus had ever paid him this much attention. He was always taunted by jocks and punks because of his softness, but Remus? The dark makeup, the piercings, the tattoos, and the leather jacket, it all made him feel… dangerous. And Patton secretly loved danger.

Roman was leaning against the wall, watching as everyone else had someone to talk to. His twin was hitting it off with Patton, Janus and Logan were sitting on one of the couches, looking at something on Logan’s phone, and Emile and Virgil were on another couch, talking about psychology. He had never felt left out from any situation in his life before, but here he was, alone in a room full of people.

He couldn’t help but focus on Virgil, who had lit up as he talked about things that Roman knew nothing about. Roman was, of course, happy that Virgil was smiling, but he wished he was the one making the very tall man smile. Emile seemed nice enough, but… something about him irked Roman to no end.

“Oh, hang on,” Emile’s phone was ringing, the tune to a cartoon that Roman vaguely remembered blasting out loudly. He answered the phone, and Roman listened carefully. “Oh, sorry baby! I’m upstairs welcoming our new neighbors. I’ll be right there. Okay, bye.” He hung up and glanced around. “Sorry, that was my boyfriend Remy, I have to go!” He gave a hug to Virgil who waved goodbye awkwardly, then went around hugging everyone, and then left the apartment, closing the front door behind him. Virgil looked like he was going to melt into the couch, and Roman took this as his moment. He sat down next to the tall man and gave him a warm smile.

“So, uh, what do you think the production will be for this term?” Roman asked, and Virgil shrugged. “I’m hoping for a musical, but I’m not much of a dancer…”

“I kind of want something that allows me to experiment with fog on the stage, you know?” Virgil said, glancing down. “I’m not brave enough to audition for any roles on the stage, but I really like working behind the scenes…” Roman frowned, watching Virgil carefully.

“Well, when they announce the production and if there’s a role that interests you, I could help you… practice, maybe? To build up your confidence,” he suggested, but Virgil just shook his head. “I used to get stage fright really bad. But… if it’s something you love doing… then it’s worth all of that anxiety, right?”

“Is it?” Virgil’s voice was shaky. “In one of my school plays as a kid I fell on my face in front of everybody during my solo. Afterwards, I found out that someone purposely spilled water where they knew I’d be walking.” He twisted his fingers together, and Roman frowned. “Ever since, I haven’t wanted to be on stage in front of others.”

“No one would do that here,” Roman said reassuringly. “If they did, I’d beat them up until they fell on the ground, too,” his face was firm, resolved, and it made Virgil laugh a little. “I think… you should try. I’d love to perform with you.”

“Yeah… maybe,” Virgil looked down at him finally, and Roman thought he would melt into a puddle on the floor. “Thanks, Roman.”

-

“Remus is so  _ cool _ , you know? And he’s so sweet,” Patton was blabbering. It was a few weeks after the party, and the three roommates were playing Mario Kart in the living room. In the time since that first party, the semester had started and they were all buried in school work, and had only seen the other three in passing or going out to dinner as a group. “N-not that you’re not cool, Roman, it’s just… he’s on a different level!”

“Yeah, a dangerous level,” Roman muttered so that Patton couldn’t hear, but Logan did, and he sighed. Roman didn’t want to reveal his fraught relationship with his brother to Patton, but he also wanted to protect the soft, small man. But… Patton was so enthralled, and Roman had never seen him that way. He seemed happier since meeting Remus, and had a confidence that didn’t exist in him before. But Roman definitely had a surge of concern for the other man.

“Do you think we should invite them all over today?” Patton suggested as he finally rolled over the finish line, in second to last place. Logan had gotten first, of course, and Roman a close second. This was the usual for their games. 

“I actually have plans with Janus–” Logan started, but then his phone rang. He answered it. “Hello? Oh, hi Janus… what? But we were…” he sighed, then covered the receiver while he looked at the two others. “Remus wants to invite us all to their place for a movie night or something.”

“Yes!!” Patton exclaimed happily. “Oh, I should figure out what to wear. What time, Lo?” He asked, his excitement bubbling over. It was contagious. Roman could practically see the cogs in Patton’s mind moving as he thought about what to wear and how to do his makeup.

“Eight, apparently,” Logan responded, his lips pulled into a taut line. He brought the receiver back towards his mouth. “I guess we will be there. Yeah, see you later. Bye.” He hung up, a frown on his face. Roman wondered if he should dress nice, too, since he’d be seeing Virgil.

“Dibs on the first shower!” Roman exclaimed, dropping his controller and running off to the bathroom. Three guys and one bathroom wasn’t ideal, but it was what they had to deal with.

By the time all three of them had gotten ready, it was almost 7:30. Roman went with his usual attire, as opposed to Patton, who went a little overboard (probably to try and impress Remus): he was wearing a pale green sweater and some shorts, knee-high socks, and his converse, his makeup bright and colorful, the emphasis on his lips and eyes. Logan was wearing his usual attire as well, but had slipped into a coat since they’d be walking to the other building. It was only a few blocks away, but things always got sidetracked when Roman and Patton were involved.

Once Patton slung his messenger bag over his shoulder, the three set out to the others’ apartment. On their way down, they passed Emile, who was walking into the building with another man, their fingers intertwined.

“Hey kiddos!” Emile said cheerfully, waving his free hand at them. “Remy, these are the new neighbors I told you about!” The man called Remy raised his eyebrows then nodded in greeting.

“Hey babes,” he said. 

“Where are you all going together?” Emile asked, and Roman thought it was a bit nosy to ask of them, but he said nothing.

“Oh, we’re going to Roman’s twin brother’s apartment–”

“Yes, and we really should get going now. Goodbye Emile, nice to meet you Remy,” Roman began to nudge Patton along the sidewalk, and Logan shot the couple an apologetic glance. 

-

“Ugh, this movie is booooooring!” Remus yelled, startling the others. He had thrown his arms up in frustration. Logan and Janus were on the couch, trying to wait for the right moment to leave since they had their own plans. Remus, Roman, and Patton were on the floor, eating the pizza they’d ordered, and Virgil was on the lounge chair, just observing.

“You’re the one who  _ suggested _ a movie, idiot,” Virgil muttered, crossing his arms. Remus frowned, then finished off his bottle of beer. He made a soft  _ hmmm _ noise, then began speaking again.

“This empty bottle gives me an idea. Spin the bottle, anyone? Or perhaps… truth or dare with spin the bottle?” He suggested, eyebrows wiggling. Patton’s face turned bright red, and some of the others all mumbled their disagreement.

“Isn’t that game for high schoolers, Re?” Roman asked, rolling his eyes. He glanced at Virgil, though, and wondered what it would be like to kiss him tonight. Not that he’d ever do that, Virgil hadn’t shown any interest in him, but…

“Sounds like fun,” Janus said, smirking from his spot next to Logan, who pouted. Janus noticed this and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “Oh, come now, Lolo, just a round or two and then we can go, okay? You know how much I  _ love _ truth or dare.” Logan sighed, then nodded.

“Fine, a few rounds.”

The group moved the coffee table out of the way and sat in a circle, the empty beer bottle laying in the middle of all of them. “Alright, rule time,” Remus started. “The spinner asks the person it lands on for truth or dare, and then must ask them. The person who last did the thing spins it next. Capiche?” Roman shrugged and then pat Remus on the shoulder.

“You spin first, bro,” he said, settling in as he sat cross-legged on the floor. Remus shrugged and leaned forward, spinning the bottle. It pointed towards Logan, who sighed. Remus smirked, crossing his arms, deep in thought.

“Truth or dare?” Remus asked finally, meeting Logan’s eyes. It was silent for a few moments as Logan pondered his options. Janus leaned over and whispered something in Logan’s ear, and his partner nodded.

“Truth,” Logan said confidently, and Remus raised an eyebrow. 

“Would you wear your best friend’s used underwear if you went camping and ran out?” Remus asked, and Patton giggled, covering his mouth to prevent spit from flying everywhere.

“Uh…” Logan glanced at Janus, who was trying to hide his laughter at the audacity of the question. “Yeah, I would? I’ve worn Janus’ underwear before–”

“Whoah, whoah, too much info, stop,” Virgil waved his hands, groaning. Patton pouted a little, frowning at Logan and Janus.

“I thought  _ I _ was your best friend, Lo?” He asked, and Logan hit his forehead with his hand. 

“You- Pat, ugh,” Logan was exasperated, and he glanced at Patton carefully. “You’re  _ both _ my best friends, okay?” Patton seemed pleased with this answer, a smile crossing his features again. Logan leaned forward to spin the bottle, and it landed on Remus. “Uh…”

“I mean, if it’s just you two who get to play, that’s fine,” Virgil commented, leaning his back on the lounge chair behind him.

“Maybe if it lands on Logan again, though, you respin?” Patton suggested, and everyone else nodded in agreement. Remus shrugged, and then nodded to Logan.

“Dare me, Lodaddy,” he cackled, and Janus rolled his eyes, but still slid his hand over to rest on Logan’s thigh, a protective glare directed at Remus.

“I dare you to get an A in one of your courses this semester,” Logan smirked, adjusting his glasses. A few of the others grumbled about how that wasn’t fair, but Remus nodded in acceptance and held out his hand to shake Logan’s.

“Dealio!” He spun the bottle again and it landed on Roman. “Alright, twinny twin, truth or dare?” He waggled his eyebrows at his twin.

“I know better than for you to ask me a truth. So, dare,” Roman said, confident with his decision. An evil look crossed Remus’ eyes only briefly as he glanced between Roman and Virgil.

“Kiss the back of Virgil’s knee,” he said simply, and Roman nearly choked on his own saliva. Virgil buried his face in his hands, grumbling a little. Patton started to defend the two.

“Now, Virgil, you don’t have to–”

“Yes I do, it’s a fucking dare,” Virgil mumbled, standing up. He rolled one of his pant legs up and turned around so the back of his leg was facing Roman, whose face was bright red and who felt like his breath was being stolen from him. “Just make it quick, Princey.” Roman turned more red at the nickname, which probably stemmed from his role in the production from the previous semester. He scooted over to Virgil and pressed his lips to the bend between Virgil’s thigh and calf, and then scooted back, saying nothing. The tall man rolled his pant leg back down and sat down, explicitly not looking at Roman. His pale face was lightly pink.

After a few awkward beats, Roman leaned forward and spun the battle. It landed on Patton, who looked to be in deep thought. “Truth or dare, Pat?”

“Hmmm. I think truth is safer,” Patton admitted, and Roman thought a little. He hoped that his plan would work, but was concerned over what could come from a question like this. He really did want happiness for Patton, even if his brother was involved.

“What are three things you first noticed when you met your crush, if you have one?” Roman asked, and Patton glanced down at his fingers, twisting them together, his face dusted with a pale blush. Remus perked up a little, listening carefully to the answer the small man gave.

“U-um… well… I noticed that he has gray in his hair, that he has a lot of piercings, and that he has a cute smile,” Patton said this so quietly that everyone had to lean in to hear it. Patton’s face was bright red by the time he finished listing off the attributes, and everyone’s eyes trailed over to Remus, who was smirking. Patton quietly excused himself and practically ran to the restroom, grabbing his bag along the way, leaving the rest of the group in an awkward silence.

“Fuck, that’s on me,” Roman said, standing up. “I’ll go… check on him,” he said, and he followed Patton to the bathroom, knocking on the door once. “Pat, it’s me Roman, are you okay?”

“Why did you ask me that?” Patton asked from the other side of the door. It sounded like he was crying, since he was sniffling a little bit. “You  _ know _ I like him, but I wasn’t ready to say anything, Ro.”

“I’m sorry, Patton, I just… I saw that you liked him and figured a little nudge could help…” Roman explained, then sighed. Maybe he  _ had _ overstepped a little. “Do you wanna go home?”

“Roman,” a voice came from behind him. It was Remus. “Is he okay?” Concern was etched on his face, and he had crossed his arms. Roman was surprised to see this much care coming from his twin.

“Is that Remus? Oh god, hang on,” Patton sounded like he was panicking. “Where are my makeup remover wipes–” A clattering of things falling out of his messenger bag could be heard. “Shoot!” Remus and Roman exchanged a look as the noises of Patton being flustered echoed into the hallway. “I can’t believe… such a fool… dang it… stop crying, idiot…”

“Patton,” Remus stepped past Roman to knock on the door. “Patton, it’s okay… I uh…” He cleared his throat, “my first impressions of my crush were that he has really awesome floral tattoos, his pink hair is awesome, and he dresses in a really cute way.” He admitted. Roman started to back up, but saw Patton open the door and peek out.

“R-really…?” He asked. It was obvious he had been crying, his eyes were red and his eyeliner had smudged, but he had wiped the majority of it off. “Um…”

“Patton, do you wanna go on a date with me next weekend?”

Roman scooted out of earshot, and stepped back into the living room, but not before he heard Patton squeak out an affirmation. Janus and Logan had disappeared, maybe off to go and do whatever their plans were, and Virgil was scrolling on his phone.

“Sorry about Remus’ dare. If I’d have known about what he’d ask me to do, I would’ve gone with a truth instead,” Roman admitted. Virgil’s face hardened, but the theater major didn’t notice this. “I’d hate to make you uncomfortable.”

“Uh, it’s okay…” Virgil didn’t meet Roman’s eyes, though, as he sat down beside him on the couch. “Actually, um. I was looking at the roles for this next production? Have you looked yet?” Of course Roman had looked. They were going to be doing a production of Wicked, and Roman was absolutely stoked for it.

“Yeah, I’m planning on auditioning for Fiyero…” Roman mused, then remembered the conversation he had with Virgil a few weeks ago. “Is there a role you’re interested in, Virgil?”

“Um, actually, I’ve always loved Boq, but… I don’t know if I’m talented enough for that,” he admitted, twisting his fingers together. “Plus I’m a little tall to play a Munchkin.” Roman sighed, then smiled encouragingly at the taller man.

“Well, I can help you practice for the audition, if you’d like!” Roman said, and Virgil nodded. “I don’t think your height will affect anything, it’s all about talent!”

“Oh. Yeah… I’d uh… really appreciate that, actually.” Virgil responded, still looking down at his hands. “I just… auditioning is really scary, you know?” Roman shrugged, then set his hand on Virgil’s shoulder.

“Maybe they’ll let us audition together, so that way you’ve got a familiar face on stage,” he suggested. Virgil nodded, a small smile appearing on his face. “Hey, don’t worry, Virge. I think you’re gonna do great.”


	2. a botanical garden and deep conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Patton go out on their first date!

“I don’t think that I can do this,” Remus was pacing in the living room, Virgil and Janus were sitting on the couch; they shared a look, and both of them rolled their eyes. “I mean, he’s so soft, and so _cute_ , and he’s Roman’s roommate!” He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even further. “What if I mess this up and Roman gets hurt or _Patton_ gets hurt, fuck fuck fuck!”  
“Remus,” Janus started, his voice flat. “I don’t think that you’re going to fuck this up. Patton’s not like the other guys you’ve dated, he’s _special_ , and I think you know that.” Remus groaned, glancing out the window. It was so late on Friday night that it had bled into Saturday, and he had been panicking for the majority of the night, which frustrated the other two who were trying to watch a movie. Eventually the TV had been shut off and their attention focused on their friend, who grew more disheveled as the night wore on.

“He’s right,” Virgil said quietly. “In the time we’ve known you, which is what, like, three years or something? Every person you’ve dated has been a total asshole. Kind of like you, but… worse,” Remus whined, and Virgil just shook his head. “That was a compliment, idiot.”

“I think what our emo friend is trying to say is that Patton isn’t like those other guys you’ve dated,” Janus continued, giving a dirty look to Virgil. “I’ve never seen you so panicked over a first date, so I think that means that this is… real for you. You’re going to take this one seriously.” Remus sighed then moved to lay on his back on the floor, eyes fluttering shut.

"Do I dress nice for my date? Or do I look the same as usual?”

-

“I don’t think I can do this,” Patton was laying down, his head hanging off of the foot of his bed. Roman was sitting cross-legged on the floor and Logan was sitting on the desk chair, a yawn escaping as he rubbed his eyes. “What if I’m not what he wants me to be?” He hugged his stuffed animal frog closer to his chest. “What if it turns out that he doesn’t actually like me?”

“Ugh, I  _ told _ you, Patton, he’s never acted this way around anybody, at least not that I’ve seen,” Roman said, annoyance coming through in his tone of voice. He didn’t know why he was trying so hard to make sure that Patton went on the date with Remus, but he did want to see his friend happy; and, as much as he hated it, he’d like to see his brother be happy, too. “He always dates these jerks who sell drugs or wear all leather and ride motorcycles. They treat him like trash and then throw him out onto the streets when they’re done.”

“Well, that doesn’t help!” Patton whined, curling up into a ball. “What if he wants me to be something that I’m not? Do you think he only wants to go out with me because I’m so different from the others he’s dated? How many people has he actually dated?” Patton’s tone was growing more high-pitched with every question. Logan adjusted his glasses, sighing.

“Patton, these are all illogical questions,” he said, crossing his arms. “I’ve spent a little bit of time with Remus since he tends to be around when I’m with Janus, and I do not think that he would ask you to be his metaphorical crutch to figure out if he wants a softer partner. Additionally, why does it matter how many people he has dated?” Logan’s question was pointed, “What  _ should  _ matter is how you portray yourself to him on your date tomorrow so he sees the kind of person that you are. You want him to see the real you, right? Then that’s what you need to do.”

“But what if he doesn’t like the real me?” Patton asked. Of course Logan knew Patton’s intricacies, they’d been friends for so long, but the small man was always unsure if his overly logical friend meant it when he said they were best friends or if he was Patton’s friend out of convenience or just… circumstance.

“Why wouldn’t anyone like the real you, Pat? You’re awesome! And if he doesn’t see that I can knock some sense into him, lord knows I had to do that enough as a kid,” Roman scoffed, stretching his arms out. “ _ I _ think that the more important question is… what are you going to wear tomorrow?”

-

Patton was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. Standing near the entrance to the botanical gardens, he tried to stand on the tips of his toes to see if Remus was walking towards him, but he hadn’t yet caught sight of the biomed major. Patton had, of course, arrived half an hour earlier than they had agreed upon, but he thought that maybe Remus would show up early, too.

He hadn’t, but Patton didn’t mind. He kept fidgeting with the sleeves on his jean jacket and hoped it wouldn’t get too warm; he was wearing a floral shorts romper underneath but hated carrying around his jacket when it got hot out. As he continued to wait, he dug through his messenger bag, hoping Remus wouldn’t judge him for his polaroid camera. Patton loved taking photos with it; he hung all of them with clothespins on his fairy lights in his bedroom, so he was always surrounded by the people and things that he loved.

As he was leaning down to pull his knee-high socks back up since they were drooping, he heard some familiar footsteps. He looked up and saw Remus, dressed in his usual attire, smiling down at him. “Hey there, little flower,” Remus cooed, and Patton turned red immediately, returning the smile. 

“Hi, Remus!” His voice came out a little more high-pitched than usual, but he was just so darn excited to see Remus. He wasn’t sure if he should hug the taller man, and hesitated for a moment. Remus gave him an intrigued look, and then Patton flung himself into his arms gently. Remus wrapped his arms around him softly, humming happily. “You’re softer than I expected.”

“Oh? Well, I can get hard if you’d like,” Remus teased, making Patton blush harder. The small man backed up, looking at Remus’ face and realizing it was a joke, so he smiled sheepishly. “So, have you ever been to this botanical garden before?”

“No, I didn’t even know it existed!” Patton responded, the two turning towards the entrance. It was a free walk-through, so they walked in, and noticed how few people were in attendance. Patton was surprised at how few people were there on a Saturday afternoon. He had so many questions for the other man, he wanted to talk about so many things, but never knew how to start conversations like that.

“How did you meet Roman?” Remus broke the silence as the two rounded a corner into an area filled with rose bushes. He leaned down to smell one of them and Patton did the same, smiling as he stood back up.

“We were in a general education class together last year. I think it was our public speaking class. And we were put together in a group,” Patton explained, walking close to Remus. “I was kind of pushy and we became friends since we have a lot in common. And then I introduced him to Logan, who I’ve known since elementary school!” Remus nodded, looking down.

“You have a lot in common with him, but…” his voice trailed off and he leaned against one of the fences, looking into the koi pond below. “Roman and I are very different. So… you and I might not have a lot in common, little flower.” Patton frowned, standing next to him.

“Roman’s not exactly my type, Remus. Yes, he’s become one of my best friends, but…” Patton paused, thinking of the right way to phrase what he wanted to say. “He’s loud, and animated, and theatrical and… it’s not what I would want in someone that I date.”

“And what is it that you want in someone you date, Patton?” Remus tilted his head, looking at Patton very carefully. The small man’s face contorted in deep thought, and he bit his lips, looking down.

“I… well, someone who is going to expose me to new adventures. I might look soft, Remus, but… I love doing things that make my heart beat fast,” he paused again so Remus could absorb this information. “I want someone who understands how special I can be… but also someone who I can pamper and love with all of my heart.” Remus didn’t say anything, and the two continued their walk through the gardens. Patton stopped him in front of a blooming tree and told him to pose, taking out his polaroid camera.

“Patton, I–”

“Please?” Patton asked, eyes sparkling towards the other man. Remus sighed, then leaned against the tree, giving a small smile to Patton as he crossed his arms. Patton took the photo, then held it between two fingers as it developed. “I have a whole wall of photos in my bedroom. Lots from high school with Lo, but some more recent with Roman, too. And… I wanted to add you, too.” Remus looked down at his feet, smiling softly. The two kept walking after Patton put his camera back in his bag, and Remus brushed his fingers against those of the other. They let their fingers intertwine, and Patton hoped that his hand wasn’t too sweaty. “Can I ask you something?” Patton asked hesitantly. Remus nodded, and the two sat down on a bench, their fingers still intertwined. “Why did you ask me out on a date?”

“Oh. Um…” Remus chuckled awkwardly, running his spare hand through his hair, tousling it up a little bit. “I see something really… unique in you. You’re this puff of pastel, but you’ve got these amazing tattoos,” he expressed this by running his fingers along the exposed tattoos on Patton’s arm. “And… you’re so kind. Everything I’ve heard about you from Ro and Jan… I’d always wanted to meet you. But Ro… he’s protective.”

“Of you?” Patton asked, and Remus laughed, more heartily this time, and shook his head.

“No. He’s protective of his friends,” Remus answered, and a flash of sadness crossed his eyes. “He was always the golden child. Our parents, our teachers, they always… preferred him. He could do no wrong.” Patton frowned, but said nothing as Remus continued to recall these moments. “I was a bit of a reckless one. I couldn’t sit still, I just wanted to crack jokes, and I played these hilarious pranks on Roman and our other classmates.

“When we got to high school, I… went off the deep end. I was hanging around the wrong kind of crowd, you know? And… they hurt Ro. Badly.” Remus looked down at his feet, shame crossing his face. Patton took his hands gently, waiting for the story to finish. “We kind of… broke after that. He never looked at me the same. He  _ hated _ me, and I did too. So… yeah. He always wants to protect his friends; that’s why you and I hadn’t met until a few weeks ago. I had to prove to him that I was hanging out with better people, that  _ I  _ had become a better person.”

“I’m sorry,” Patton’s voice came out weak, and he was struggling to keep the tears from leaving his eyes. Sometimes he hated how sensitive he could get. “I’m glad that you’re… better… now.”

“Me, too,” Remus still hadn’t looked up. The two sat in silence for a few minutes, the sounds of birds chirping and the babbling brooks keeping it from being completely quiet around them. “Tell me about why you got your tattoos,” he said finally, fingers still tracing the outlines of sunflowers and daisies.

“My mom is a florist,” Patton responded. He was looking off into the distance at the flowers in front of them. “So, I grew up in our backyard full of flowers, and I spent my summers in high school helping run the shop. When I thought about getting my first tattoo, I knew it had to be flowers.” He pointed to the large sunflower on his wrist. “Once I started with this one, I couldn’t stop. The flowers are bright, and remind me of sunshine and taking care of others.”

“And… that’s why you’re a child development major, isn’t it?” Remus asked. His eyes were focused on the intricate vines connecting all of the tattoos.

“Yeah… my mom took care of me and her garden, and… I want to take care of others, too,” Patton was smiling, and Remus resisted the urge to kiss him right there. But he didn’t want things to move too quickly, and he wanted to make sure that he had Patton’s consent before doing anything like that, so he didn’t say anything, and just kept his eyes on the small man. “Why did you choose biomed and medieval history?” The question brought Remus out of his own mind, and he blinked a few times before registering it.

“Oh. Well… I always liked the dissection labs in my science classes. One of my teachers noticed and… told me about biomed. I’d love to research new treatments, figure out what works and what doesn’t work, work in a lab…” he trailed off, and Patton just watched him with awe. “The medieval history was actually inspired by Roman. He doesn’t know that, though. But… he did this play in high school that was set during the medieval ages, and it just… piqued my interest. So I kept researching, and I want to learn more. Maybe I can do research into the intersections of biomed and medieval history someday.”

“I love how passionate you are about the things you’re studying,” Patton mused, his fingers holding tighter to Remus’. “Like… Roman and Logan are passionate about their areas of study, too, but… in a way that’s almost exhausting. The way you talk about your path is…” Patton’s voice faded out, the words failing him. He wished that he could express his words more clearly, or in a way that sort of made sense, but he wasn’t the best with conversations, he never had been. 

“Should we continue our walk around here?” Remus said, breaking the silence again. He didn’t like the silence that kept coming back, but they had covered some really heavy topics, probably things that were too intense for a first date. He didn’t hate that they were talking about those things; he loved hearing what Patton had to say and how things were going, but… he wanted to do something to make his date laugh.

The two stood up from their spot on the bench and walked under an archway towards where there was a display of succulent plants. Remus wanted to hug and hold Patton  _ so _ badly, but he resigned himself to just holding his hand, watching as Patton named each and every plant they passed as they kept going throughout the gardens.

They had eventually gone around in a full circle, most of their conversation lingering on the types of plants they saw around them, and had arrived back at the koi pond. Patton was leaning over the fence again, watching the colorful fish weave in and out of the way of each other. Remus stood next to him, watching, and when Patton looked up at him with that glimmer of adoration and just… hope. 

“Patton, I…” he looked down at his feet, his face heating up. “I would really, um… like to kiss you. I-If that’s okay. I just, I don’t want to mess things up and–” Remus was interrupted by two hands holding onto his face, and before he knew it, he was leaning down, and kissing the softest lips he had ever touched.

-

“Goodbye, Remus,” Patton said softly, leaning up to kiss Remus’ cheek. “I had a really nice time today.” He smiled, hand on the doorknob to the apartment, and Remus gave him one last, lingering kiss.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, little flower,” the taller man said, and then Patton entered the apartment, closing the door behind him. His cheeks hurt from smiling so hard for the last few hours, the feeling of Remus’ hand in his and his lips on his own ingrained in his mind. They went to a cafe after the botanical gardens and indulged in iced tea and sandwiches and pastries, laughing and smiling and always touching in some way, even if it was just their feet brushing against each other under the table.

Remus wasn’t anything like what Patton had expected. He was still surprised at the choice of date locations, but Remus’ softness and openness towards Patton was a welcome revelation. But Patton had meant it when he said that he had a good time; it was the best first date he had ever been on. And he wished desperately for more.

“Hey, how did it go?” Roman was lounging on the couch, a script in hand, and Logan was sitting at the kitchen counter, working on his laptop. Patton tried to hold back his blush, but he smiled at the other two. “My brother was good to you, right?” Roman’s face was etched with concern.

“It was… absolutely amazing, Ro,” Patton felt his emotions gushing out of him as he set his bag down next to the entrance table. He went over to sit on the couch at Roman’s feet, and the other two followed him with their eyes, waiting for more information. “Remus is so sweet to me. I… I really do like him.” Roman said nothing, instead he just flipped the page in his script, and Logan sighed from the table.

“Roman believes you need to know a few things about Remus’ past before you go further in your relationship. I, however, believe that it should be up to Remus to tell you,” he explained, adjusting his glasses. Patton’s smile instantly turned upside down, but he nodded.

“Remus  _ did _ tell me. About his past. About what happened. And…” Patton sighed, twisting his fingers together. “I’m sorry that all of that happened, Ro, but… it doesn’t matter to me. Who he is now is who I want to be with.”

“So… you’re going to go out with him again?” Roman asked hesitantly, peeking over his script. Patton nodded, and couldn’t help the small smile that he felt resurface on his face. “Well, I… I’m glad you’re happy, Patton.”

-

Remus opened the door to the apartment quietly. Virgil was nowhere to be seen, but Janus was in the kitchen, standing over the stove, presumably making dinner. Remus tried to be quiet, tried to just head straight (gAy) for his room, but Janus cleared his throat. When Remus turned to look at him, he was raising an eyebrow, arms crossed, leaning against the archway that led into the kitchen.

“How did it go?” He asked, and Remus looked down, smiling brightly. How could he put into words how amazing the day was? How many butterflies he felt when he was next to Patton, how no one had ever made him feel that way before. Remus looked back up at Janus, realizing that he hadn’t said anything, and shrugged.

“It was…” he still couldn’t find the words, but a string of what he figured to be incoherent sentences began to spill out. “Oh, Jan, you have no idea. He’s so… and I just… it was… I really like him.” Janus nodded, a small smile settling on his face.

“I’ve never seen you act this way, Remus,” he mused. “I’m… glad to see you this way.” Remus smiled at him, then retreated to his room. He glanced at the mess that was always prevalent, setting his backpack down next to the desk.

From his back jeans pocket he took out one of the many polaroid pictures that Patton had taken that day, one of them trying to take a selfie with the camera, Remus’ lips pressed to Patton’s cheek, a goofy smile pasted on the smaller man’s face. He found himself staring at it for a while, then he took his phone out of the pocket and sent a quick text to Patton:  _ want to come over tomorrow?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be posted on Sunday, July 26 at 12PM PDT! for updates visit my tumblr vindicatedvirgil.tumblr.com


	3. a dance, some shoes, and an audition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Roman practice for their auditions. Amidst a dance, some tough conversations, and panic attacks, they grow ever closer together.
> 
> TW: self harm mention, suicide attempt mention. please be cautious & take care of yourselves.  
> spoiler warning for Wicked the Musical!

Roman sat on the edge of the stage, his hands gripping the script for  _ Wicked _ closely, feet dangling and swinging gently. He had taken off his jacket and messenger bag, the two things sitting beside him, and at every sound he heard, he spun his head in that direction; he was nervous to spend time with Virgil to practice for the auditions, but he was also desperately looking forward to it. Finally, he heard a door close behind him and some shuffling feet, and he turned his head to see Virgil walking towards him, backpack slung over one shoulder, hoodie held tightly in his hand. Roman inspected the shirt he was wearing and realized that it said My Chemical Romance; a band that Remus was also a fan of. In fact, he had seen that exact shirt on his brother a few times. Did they go to a concert together or go shopping for that shirt together? Was it Virgil’s shirt that Remus borrowed or vice-versa? Roman was afraid to find out.

“Hey, Roman. Sorry I’m late, I had to stop by one of my professor’s office hours,” Virgil explained, dropping his stuff beside Roman’s. He leaned down to get his script out of his backpack, and Roman stood up, smiling.

“Don’t worry, I was just looking through it, trying to decide which scene we should practice,” he responded, trying to not focus on the way Virgil hesitated over every step he made on the stage. “I think that we should maybe work on Boq’s part in  _ Dancing Through Life _ , what do you think?” He knew that the wheelchair for the role of Nessa was backstage somewhere, so they could make it work.

“Y-you mean, singing and dancing?” Virgil looked down at his feet. “I-I don’t know… I’m afraid that I’ll fall if we dance…” Roman set a hand on his shoulder and gave him an encouraging smile.

“I’ll stay standing just in case you do,” he said, and Virgil nodded. Roman took his phone out of his pocket and connected it to the bluetooth speakers in the theater so that the music would play from the stage speakers. He started the instrumental version of the song, and from memory sang Fiyero’s part in the song. He moved across the stage as he sang, Virgil’s eyes focused on him. When the song got to Boq’s part, Roman sang for Nessa, urging Virgil to join him, and he did.

“ _ Listen, Nessa _ ,” Virgil spoke the lines stepping towards Roman, who also stepped forward, giving him a questioning look.

“ _ Yes _ ?” He asked, and Virgil took his hand, looking down at him. Roman felt his heartbeat quicken but stayed in character.

“ _ Uh - Nessa, I've got something to confess, a reason why, well - why I asked you here tonight _ ,” He took a breath, and their eyes met. “ _ Now I know it isn't fair _ –”

“ _ Oh Boq, I know why, _ ” Roman breathed out, trying to make sure he kept his word about ensuring that Virgil wouldn’t fall on the stage.

“ _ You do _ ?” Virgil’s voice rang throughout the theater, and Roman took another deep breath.

“ _ It’s because I’m in this chair and you felt sorry for me, well, isn’t that right? _ ” Roman sang, looking down at his feet as if he were actually playing the role of Nessarose. Virgil held on tighter to his hand.

“ _ No! No! It’s because… because… _ ” He took Roman’s face in one of his hands, making their eyes meet, and Roman thought his heart would burst through his red shirt. “ _ Because you are so beautiful _ …”

“ _ Oh Boq! I think you’re wonderful, _ ” Roman sang back, his voice wavering at the close proximity and touches from Virgil. “ _ And we deserve each other, Don't you see, this is our chance? We deserve each other… Don't we, Boq _ ?”

“ _ You know what _ ?” Virgil’s voice sounded more confident, and Roman was unsure if it was because of the character or that he actually became more confident. “ _ Let’s dance! _ ”

“ _ What _ ?” Roman was still in character but he was surprised when Virgil held him close and the two began dancing around the stage as if Nessa’s character wasn’t meant to be in a wheelchair. Virgil led him in a dance, and Roman tried hard to not fall over his feet, wanting to keep his promise.

“ _ Let’s daaaance! _ ” The instrumental to the song kept playing in the background but Virgil and Roman were silent as they moved to the music, hands resting awkwardly on shoulders and hips, their scripts held against the other’s body. Their eyes met, and Roman swore he saw a softness in Virgil’s dark eyes that he hadn’t before. When the song ended they separated, and Virgil looked down at his feet, his face bright red. “Sorry. I got, um, a little carried away,” he explained, rolling and twisting the script in his hands. Roman couldn’t think of a valid response. He wanted to say that he liked dancing with Virgil, that he loved the way he touched him so gently as if they might never touch again and he was savoring that feeling.

“It’s alright,” Roman finally said. He tried hard to ensure his voice was even, because he felt so shaky, so nervous. “You have a beautiful singing voice, Virgil.” Even though the taller man’s fringe was covering the majority of his face, Roman still noticed that his face reddened at his words. “I think you’re really talented, and I can’t wait to see you get that role.”

“Can we do some of the speaking parts next? The ones later on in the play, maybe that scene with Elphaba and Nessa when Boq becomes the Tin Man? I-I just… want to do more practice with that…” Virgil was stammering over his words, and Roman found it interesting that a man that tall could be so… uneasy, but he didn’t judge. The two flipped to that scene in their scripts and began reading.

-

“Thanks for coming here tonight, Roman,” Virgil said when he opened the door to the apartment. “Janus is out with Logan and Re is… somewhere. Maybe with Patton? So it’s just us, we can move the furniture to make it easier to practice.” Roman nodded, setting his bag down next to the door. He had been in the apartment before, yes, but it felt like there was a different vibe when it was just Virgil there. “And I just… I dunno, I didn’t feel like leaving the house today.”

“That’s alright, I don’t mind… As long as you pay for the pizza we are going to order later,” Roman smirked, removing his jacket. He set it on one of the chairs at the dining table. He tried not to focus on the fact that Virgil was wearing a plain black t-shirt and some purple plaid pajama pants. He was dressed casually, too, in some black joggers and a red shirt. He slipped out of his sneakers and then got out his script.

“Do you want to practice some of the parts for Fiyero?” Virgil asked, partially sitting on the arm of the couch. Roman shook his head.

“I don’t mind focusing on Boq, because I want you to be as prepared as possible for next week,” he said, and Virgil nodded, head down. “Virge?”

“I just… you’re helping  _ me _ so much, even though Boq is such a minor part, and you’re going for Fiyero, this big role, and…” He sighed, twisting his fingers together. “I feel bad... taking your practice time from you.” Roman wanted to hold Virgil and tell him that it was okay, but he didn’t, he just shrugged.

“I feel more prepared for this audition than anything I’ve ever auditioned for before. So please don’t worry about it,” he said, voice calm. He wanted to try even harder to do well on this audition because he wanted to perform with Virgil on stage, maybe get to hold his hand during the curtain call, spend hours in rehearsals to the point where they were both exhausted but happy, then he accidentally takes a sip of Virgil’s iced coffee… Suddenly, he remembered something he wanted to ask Virgil. “Hey, what size shoe do you wear?”

“Huh? Oh. An 11 and a half. Why?” Virgil gave him a confused look, but Roman just smirked and shrugged again.

“No reason. Should we do a song or some dialogue first?”

-

“I’ll get it,” Virgil said, getting up from his sitting position on the floor. He opened the door and paid the pizza person, then set it on the dining table. Roman hopped up from the floor and investigated the pizza when Virgil opened the box. It was half meat lovers (*wink wink*) and half cheese only. Roman thought that purely cheese pizza was boring, but it was what Virgil had wanted, so he acquiesced. Virgil’s taste in pizza didn’t change the way he felt about the taller man, and plus, Virgil  _ did _ pay for it and the soda they ordered along with it. The two piled as many pieces as they could onto the paper plates they were provided, and Virgil went into the kitchen quickly to get some glasses for their soda.

They ate quickly and quietly, the past several hours of practicing having made them both exhausted and starving, and pretty soon the entire pizza was gone and the two were lounging on the couch, flipping through the script to figure out what other moments would be good during the audition. Virgil finally spoke, voice hesitant.

“I feel more like the cowardly lion than anything,” he admitted. Roman didn’t say anything but pulled his legs under him, watching the other man very carefully. “I feel… sheltered. Protected. Janus has always… guided me in the direction that I didn’t realize I needed to go in, but ever since he entered the partnership with Logan, I just… feel like I’m on the back burner.” Roman frowned, hating that Virgil could feel that way, but he knew it was natural. 

“How long have you and Janus been friends for?” He finally asked, and Virgil leaned his head against the cushions, sighing, deep in thought.

“Since… middle school, I think. I was always on my own, for… obvious reasons,” he started, and Roman’s frown deepened.

“I don’t think it’s obvious,” he muttered, which made Virgil smile a little bit. “Go on, sorry.”

“It’s fine, I just…” Virgil sighed, “I was depressed, I was always having panic attacks, and… I think my scars scared people.” Roman nodded but stayed quiet, watching as Virgil played with the hem of his shirt. “Janus just… took me under his wing. Cape. He was just as weird as I was, and he…” Virgil smiled, the memories flooding back, “He would text me reminders to take my meds, to drink water, to get rest. When I told him I was struggling to not cut, he would come over immediately and just draw on my arms and legs, if only to get that feeling out of my head. He bought me these noise-cancelling headphones and would slip them over my head, then play jazz music for me. When I tried to...” Virgil’s breath hitched, then, and his eyes peered down.

“You don’t… if this is hard to talk about…” Roman started, but Virgil shook his head, and Roman just reached his hand out to rub against Virgil’s shoulder, in an attempt to comfort him.

“When I tried to kill myself, Jan… he found me. Took me to the hospital. Insisted on sleeping in the chair beside my bed as I recovered,” Virgil explained, hands and voice a little shaky. “My parents didn’t care, but Janus did. I’ve been able to get better because of him, but… now that he has someone else to care for, I think he’s… losing sight of me.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Roman said abruptly, which made Virgil give him a surprised look. “Janus cares about you, and the fact that he’s in a partnership with Logan doesn’t change that. If you needed him, he would be there in an instant. I’m sure of it. He was at every one of our productions last term, even though he didn’t see you the entire time.” Virgil nodded, and let his head fall onto Roman’s hand. 

“Yeah. You’re probably right… I just feel so… unable to do things, sometimes,” he said, eyes fluttering shut. He tried to stifle a yawn but it came out anyways, and Roman smiled sweetly at him, then glanced at the clock.

“I should probably go. It’s pretty late,” he said, starting to get up from the couch, but Virgil grabbed his hand. Their eyes met, and Roman’s heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest.

“Thank you, Roman. For… everything.”

-

“Hey, Virge! Sorry I’m late,” Roman ran up to Virgil, who was pacing outside the theater. Roman had a bag from a local shoe store in hand, and was panting; he had run from the parking lot, not wanting to miss this final practice, since the auditions were the following day. Virgil’s eyes landed on the bag and he shot a questioning look to the shorter man. Roman noticed his glance and smiled, then handed the bag to Virgil. “These are for you, actually. Open it.”

“Ro–”

“Please? Just… open it, okay?” Their eyes met and Virgil nodded, opening the bag. He took the shoe box out and flipped the top open. “They’re anti-slip shoes. So even if something spills on the stage–” he was cut off by Virgil giving him a big hug, which startled him so much that they almost fell backwards. “Whoah, careful! You’re not wearing the shoes yet!” Virgil was gripping to Roman tightly, and he said nothing.

“Thank you,” Virgil whispered softly, and he pulled away, face bright red. “I… I really appreciate this.” Roman nodded, adjusting his backpack’s strap.

“Yeah, of course,” he said, returning the smile. “Wouldn’t want you falling head over heels now would we?” Virgil’s face turned even redder, and Roman started to panic, did he screw up??

“We should head in, our practice time slot is coming up,” Virgil said abruptly, putting the lid back onto the box and heading into the theater. Roman sighed, then followed him inside.

-

“It’s okay, Virge, you’re gonna do great,” Roman was standing in front of him, an encouraging look on his face. Their audition was next, and Virgil was breathing heavily, his hands were shaking, and even though Roman was also nervous, he did his best to convey confidence to his friend. “We’ve got this, okay?”

“I-I don’t know, maybe I should just… be a tech guy again. Yeah. I’m not cut out for this,” he was rambling, eyes darting towards the stage where a girl was belting  _ Defying Gravity _ , and back to Roman, who reached out and took his hands to soothe their shaking, and his voice was calling Virgil back from a place where his mind was lost.

“Virge. Look at me, only me, okay? Don’t worry about the director or the others that are here,” he said softly, and Virgil met his glance, nodding. “Just focus on me. I won’t ever let you fall. I promise.”

As soon as they got onto the stage, Virgil in the anti-slip shoes, his anxiety almost disappeared. It didn’t hurt that the stage lighting made Roman even more beautiful than usual, and when Roman was at his best, so was Virgil. He kept his eyes only on Roman as he introduced the two, said what roles they were each auditioning for, and they began their audition. Virgil slipped over a few words but got an encouraging smile from Roman, so he kept going, and when their audition was over they thanked the director and walked off. His legs nearly gave out on him from the stress but Roman had his arms around him immediately.

“You did so good, Virge,” he was saying, murmuring more sweet things, kind things. Virgil felt like he could turn into a puddle, he was being held by Roman and he was being told all of these things. He finally glanced up when he heard their names being called by someone.

“Virgil! Roman!” It was Patton, Remus being dragged behind him, their fingers intertwined. Logan and Janus were not far behind, but Janus pushed forward to be at the front of the group. Virgil shot Roman a confused look.

“I told them about how nervous you were and figured you could use some encouragement afterwards,” he explained as Janus gave Virgil a big hug.

“We were watching from the back where you couldn’t see us,” Janus said. “You did so well, I’m so proud of you for taking this step.”

“When do you find out the results?” Logan asked as the group left out one of the side doors to the theater.

“If they need them, callbacks will be next week, and then in two weeks they’ll put out the cast list,” Roman explained, watching as Virgil and Janus walked, arms linked. He smiled, but felt a little off; he didn’t get as much time with Virgil after the audition as he had hoped for, but he knew this would help the anxious man. Remus came up to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

“You did really great, Ro,” he said, a genuine smile on his face. Roman looked down, he was never sure how to talk to his brother, not after everything that had happened to them both, but he smiled back.

“Thanks. And… thanks for coming. I know you probably came for Virgil, but… I still appreciate it,” his voice was hesitant, and Remus frowned.

“No, I came to support my brother,” he corrected, and Roman nodded. “And I’m really proud of you.”

-

Roman and Virgil ran. They were having lunch with the others when they each got a text that the cast list was about to be posted, so they left the others and were running across campus towards the theater. Virgil stopped once it was in view, which made Roman stop. The anxious man was shaking, and he squatted down, holding his face in his hands.

“Oh god, I’m not going to get it,” he was saying, and Roman squatted down next to him, putting a hand on his back. “It’s all been for nothing, Roman. I’m not going to get it.”

“Hey, shhh, it’s okay, Virgil,” he cooed softly. “We don’t know that. I’m very confident that you got it, come on, let’s go find out.”

“I’m scared,” Virgil’s voice was shaky, and Roman realized that he was crying. “I’m scared that I’m not going to get it and I’ll be in the back again watching everyone else and I’ll just feel… lost.”

“Hey, I won’t let that happen,” Roman said, continuing to rub Virgil’s back comfortingly. “Do you want me to go and check and then come back?” Virgil shook his head.

“No, don’t leave me…” he whined, and buried his face into Roman’s shoulder. “I’m okay, I just… I’m not ready for this to be over.”

“Not ready for what to be over?” Roman’s voice was full of confusion.

“This. Hanging out with you, practicing for auditions. If you get the role and I don’t… we won’t be able to hang out anymore,” Virgil admitted, and Roman could feel tears staining through his shirt.

“Why not?” He asked, “I still want to hang out with you, no matter what happens. I told you I wouldn’t let you fall, and that means I won’t let you fall out of my life, either.” Virgil said nothing as he stood back up, wiping his face onto the sleeve of his hoodie. Roman stood up too, watching Virgil carefully. “Come on, let’s go see your name on that cast list.” He held his hand out, and Virgil laced his fingers through Roman’s. They walked the rest of the way to the theater, saying nothing, and waited for the crowd around the corkboard to dissipate a little before going up to scan it with their eyes.

_ Fiyero Tiggular / The Scarecrow……………………………………………….. Roman Creative _

_ Boq / The Tin Man……………………………………………......…….…... Virgil Cloud _

“I got it,” Virgil whispered. Roman cheered, his free hand wrapping around Virgil and lifting him up, which wasn’t easy given the fact that Virgil was significantly taller than him, but he didn’t care. Virgil kept muttering the words, and Roman pulled him off to the side, the two exchanging a big hug.

“I knew you would, Virge,” Roman murmured. Virgil pulled away from Roman’s arms a little bit, his face bright red and his eyes meeting those of the shorter man. He didn’t hesitate to press their foreheads together, and Roman sucked in a deep breath. “Virgil, I...” he started, but didn’t get a chance to finish when chapped lips met his glossy ones. Virgil pulled back, panic in his eyes.

“I-I’m sorry, I just, I’ve wanted to do that for a while and now seemed like the perfect time and I’m so sorry–” Roman cut off his rambles by kissing him again, wrapping his arms around the taller man’s neck. Their kisses were sloppy and rushed, and when they finally pulled apart to catch their breath, Roman was grinning wildly.

“Don’t apologize,” he whispered, holding one of Virgil’s cheeks in his hand. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long, Virge.” They smiled rather stupidly at each other, and all Roman could think was why he had hesitated for so long to kiss Virgil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be posted on Sunday, August 2! for updates go to vindicatedvirgil.tumblr.com


	4. we deserve happiness, too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus and Logan watch from the sidelines as their best friends find their own kinds of happiness, wondering if they deserve what they've found with each other.
> 
> TW: mention of sex, mention of suicide attempt

Logan sat at their usual table at the café, his laptop in front of him as he typed quickly. With every opening of the door, the bell above it dinging annoyingly, he glanced up, but found himself disappointed when he didn’t see his partner. He worried that Janus’ oolong tea would grow cold as he took a sip of his own black coffee, and turned his focus to the research paper he was working on. Eventually, he felt Janus’ lips press to his cheek and then his body slid into the booth to the left of him.

“Sorry that I’m late, Lo. Virgil was having a rough night and I needed to make sure he was going to be okay,” he explained, picking up the mug of tea in his hands and taking a sip. Janus made no indication that the tea was too cold or hot, he just smiled before pulling his own laptop out of his bag. “How’s the paper coming?”

“Almost done, just need to edit the footnotes,” Logan responded plainly, taking another sip of his coffee. It was almost to the point where it was too cold to drink, but he needed the caffeine if he wanted to finish his work for the weekend. “Is Virgil going to be okay now?”

“I think so. Roman was arriving to practice for the auditions as I left, though I don’t think he saw me, he seemed pretty focused as he ran up the stairs,” he responded, starting to type on his laptop. “Have you eaten anything, Lo? You can’t just have coffee.”

“I’m not hungry,” the taller man responded, pushing his glasses up further on his nose. Janus frowned, then slid out of their booth and walked over to the main counter. Logan sighed, switching tabs to his research notes. He skimmed for the information he needed and by the time he had inserted a quote into the main paper, Janus had returned with two muffins; one blueberry, one banana nut. Logan wanted to ignore the grumble in his stomach but he knew Janus would bug him until he ate something, so he picked up the blueberry muffin and unwrapped it before taking a bite. “Thanks, Janus.” He continued writing, taking occasional bites of the muffin, and Janus was also working hard, his banana nut muffin consumed rather quickly, the oolong tea drained from the mug. Finally, Logan spoke again. “Did Remus tell you where he was planning on taking Patton today?”

“The botanical gardens and then here for lunch, I think,” Janus responded. He seemed to be in deep thought, his thoughts miles away. “He’s going to tell Patton about his past, I think.”

“He should, before Roman beats him to it,” Logan said, loosening his tie. “He almost did last night when we were helping him pick out his outfit.” He sighed, and felt Janus’ fingers trail on his thigh, and met his eyes.

“They’re all falling in love, aren’t they? How weird is that? Love and romance. Such silly concepts,” Janus mused, a playful smile crossing his face. “But… they all deserve it. Happiness. We found our own kind of happiness, they get to find theirs now.” Logan nodded, stretching his arms a little bit.

“We’re not broken, right?” Logan’s voice was hesitant when he asked the question, and Janus frowned at him, taking his hand.

“Lo, we’ve been over this. Just because love and romance aren’t things we want to or can feel, doesn’t mean we’re broken,” Janus’ words were like a song that Logan needed to play over and over, and he wondered if that feeling would ever disappear. Sometimes when he curled up in Janus’ arms he almost felt whole, like he realized that there wasn’t a black hole where his heart should be. There were days where he shut himself off from the world, hiding in his room that was littered with papers and science equipment, because he wasn’t sure that he could ever deserve the happiness he felt when Janus was next to him. “Lo,” Janus’ voice was calling him back into himself, out of the fog of his mind. “Lo, did you sleep at all last night?”

“Uh… I slept for an hour or two,” he admitted, eyes glancing down. He was ashamed of his own insomnia sometimes, but being a double major was draining. Luckily, Janus always knew how to take care of him, make him realize that there was more to the world than just romantic love. 

“How much more schoolwork do you need to get done?” Janus asked rhetorically as he grabbed Logan’s planner, flipping to the page for the day. “Hmmm… not much, plus it’s only Saturday morning. Okay.” He closed the planner and then shut Logan’s laptop and then his own. “Come on, we’re going to your apartment to rest.”

“Jan–”

“Not mine, because Virgil and Roman are practicing and I want to give them space,” he explained, putting his laptop away. “No arguing this time, please. You need to take care of yourself.” Logan knew better than to argue, so he packed up his things and then the two walked to his apartment, fingers interlocked.

-

“Janus, this really isn’t necessary,” Logan grumbled as his partner removed his tie and unbuttoned his shirt, revealing the plain t-shirt underneath. “I need to get work done.” The shorter man ignored him, going to Logan’s dresser and pulling out some pajama bottoms. He threw them at his glasses-clad partner, raising an eyebrow. 

“You need to rest,” was the only thing he said before resting his hands on his hips, glancing around the cluttered bedroom. There were papers littering the carpet, books stacked everywhere despite the open spaces on the bookshelves, and empty coffee mugs all over the desk, and Janus noted some spilled coffee stains on the surface. He was about to shrug out of his coat when two arms wrapped around his waist and Logan’s chin rested on his shoulder.

“You could… help me rest, maybe,” he suggested, voice low. “It helps my mind slow down a little bit.” Janus knew this, and he spun around in Logan’s arms, pressing his hands to his partner’s face. “If you don’t want to–”

“You know I’d do anything to help you, Lolo.”

-

Afterwards, Janus slipped back into his shirt and a pair of Logan’s pajama bottoms. He got Logan’s help in rubbing lotion over the left side of his body, hoping to quell some of the pain brought on by his eczema. Then he brought over his laptop, putting on one of Logan’s favorite space documentaries, and the two snuggled, Logan dozing sporadically. Janus ran his fingers through the other’s hair, feeling calm and collected, a smile plastered on his face. When he heard Logan’s stomach grumble with hunger, they ordered Chinese takeout and ate it in bed, Janus smirking when a noodle stuck to the other’s chin. They watched a few more documentaries, the sun lowering itself in the sky, and eventually, Logan dozed off.

Janus pressed a swift kiss to Logan’s forehead, the other softly snoring, then got to work tidying up the room. He started by putting the books onto the shelves, but he didn’t follow a certain order, he just wanted to reduce Logan’s risk of falling over the stacks. Afterwards, he organized the scattered papers into different piles and then put them into the file cabinet, labeling them for the class or purpose they held. He wiped off the surfaces in the room with wipes he had stored in Logan’s desk, and then carried all of the mugs in his arms and out to the kitchenette.

When he exited Logan’s room, he saw Roman lounging on the couch, flipping through the script. When the actor noticed him, he raised an eyebrow, but smiled.

“How’s Virgil doing?” Janus asked, setting the mugs on the sink and turning on the hot water. Roman got up from the couch and sat on one of the stools at the counter, watching. 

“He…” Roman sighed, resting his hand under his chin. “He’s nervous about it all, of course. He doesn’t want to fall on stage, he doesn’t want to mess up.” His voice was hesitant, and Janus could tell that he was holding something back, but he didn’t want to pry; he focused on washing Logan’s mugs, smiling when he noticed the ones he had gifted him with nerd sayings on them. “Janus… did Virgil really… almost kill himself?”

The mug that Janus was holding slipped out of his hand, clattering into the sink. Thankfully, it stayed intact. He felt his throat constrict, the memories of that day rushing back through his mind, and he gripped the edge of the sink tightly, using one of his shaky hands to turn off the water. “He did,” Janus’ breath was heavy, too, and he couldn’t bear to turn around to look Roman in the eyes. “I… found him. It was… the worst day of my life.”

“How old were you at the time?” Roman’s voice sounded pained as the words left his mouth, and Janus chewed on his lower lip.

“We were 16,” he said, turning around and leaning against the sink, his eyes focused on his feet. “He’s… better now. Therapy and medication and all. But… I almost lost him.”

“He thinks he’s losing  _ you _ ,” Roman’s words came out before he could stop them, and Janus’ eyes snapped up to meet his, a frown on his face.

“What?” It was almost a hiss, Janus was feeling constricted again, and his defenses were rising. Roman held his hands out to try to calm him down.

“He just…” Roman sighed, lowering his hands, “Now that you’re in a partnership with Logan, he… thinks he’s not a priority in your life anymore. I did my best to tell him that couldn’t be true, but… you might need to talk to him.”

Janus ran a hand through his hair, sighing, but he nodded. “Thank you for telling me, Roman. I’ll… talk to him.” Roman nodded, then pursed his lips in thought.

“Our audition is a week from Friday… do you think that maybe… you and the others could sit in the back, where Virgil can’t see, and then be there when we’re done?” Roman’s voice was hesitant. He didn’t know Janus very well and had only spent time with him in small increments; it was Patton and Logan who spent more time with him, and Roman always found the sociology major to be… odd. But he meant a lot to Virgil. “He’s so nervous, I think he could do with some support afterwards.” Janus wondered why Roman was hesitant to be the only one providing the support to Virgil, but maybe it was a sign that Roman knew of his own limits.

“I… yeah, of course, Roman. I’ll make sure that we’re there.”

-

“Virgil?” Janus opened the door to their apartment later that night. Remus hadn’t returned yet, and Virgil was laying on the couch, holding a pillow close. Janus stepped out of his shoes and set his bag down, walking over. “I think we need to talk.”

“...do we?” Virgil made a move to sit up but Janus shook his head, pulling Virgil’s legs up and onto his lap as he sat down.

“Roman told me that you feel like less of a priority to me,” he said, eyes focusing on the taller man. Virgil’s mouth opened to respond but Janus shook his head.. “Virge, I need you to know that no matter how significant Lo, or anyone else, ever becomes to me,  _ no one _ will ever be more important to me than you. Okay?” Virgil looked away, frowning, and Janus sighed, rubbing his feet.

“It’s just…” he took a deep breath, twisting his fingers in a manner that seemed very uncomfortable to Janus, but Virgil made no indication that it was. “You’ve got… someone to care for now, someone who cares for you in an equal manner, and… I’m just getting in the way.”

“V, you could  _ never _ get in the way. Just because I’m with Logan doesn’t change the fact that if you needed me, I would drop everything to be there,” Janus’ voice was calm, and he rubbed Virgil’s feet and legs in a way that he hoped was comforting. “V. Look at me.” Virgil did, because he knew that Janus would keep at it until he did. Janus smiled warmly, his eyes meeting his best friend’s. “Please don’t forget how much I care for you. I know… things have changed, lately. I’m still figuring out the balance with Lo and everything, but… you’ll always be at the top of my priority pyramid.” Virgil smiled, recalling the drawing that Janus had made for him back when he was in the hospital for his attempt.

_ -flashback, six years ago- _

“They don’t care, they never did,” Virgil was sitting up in the hospital bed, finally, bandage-covered arms crossed and a frown on his face. His parents had just left from their obligatory half-hour visit. “I’m not a priority to anyone.” Janus scoffed. He was sitting cross-legged at the foot of the bed, notebook in hand.

“You’re a priority to me, V,” he said, starting to scribble on the notebook. Virgil raised an eyebrow, peeking over to see a pyramid with words on several levels. “Okay, see? Bottom level is basic necessities like a roof and food. Then school and my family. Then me. And look, at the very top of the pyramid, it’s you. The most important thing.”

Virgil brought his hand up to his mouth to stifle the laugh that he felt rising up inside him, and he ignored the bandages on his wrist as he did so. Janus was surprised at the laughter; he hadn’t heard the noise coming from his best friend in weeks. “Jan, the most important and necessary thing goes at the base of the pyramid. Like in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?” Janus frowned, glancing down at his pyramid. Virgil reached his hand out, taking the notebook from him. “But… I understand what you’re trying to say. Thank you.”

_ -end flashback- _

“I still have that pyramid drawing you did,” Virgil said. He moved from his laying down position to sit next to Janus, and despite their height difference he leaned his head on the other man’s shoulder. “Maybe… maybe I won’t need to rely on only you, J.”

“What do you mean?” Janus found himself not liking the idea. Of course, ever since Remus had pranced his way into their little group, into their apartment, Janus knew that it could never be the same as it was when they moved in together right out of high school instead of living in the dorms. 

“I mean…” Virgil took a deep breath, a small smile taking over his facial features. “Maybe… maybe Roman will… care for me, too.” Janus turned his head a bit to give Virgil a confused look. “I think… Jan, I think he likes me.”

“He’d be a fool not to,” was the only response that Janus could muster up, but he felt strange about the whole thing. 

-

Janus had just finished eating his breakfast when there was a knock at the door. Virgil was still in bed, and Remus had left early to go on a brunch date with Patton. He opened the door, and saw Logan standing there, a sheepish smile on his face. 

“Hey, Lo, you okay?” He asked, pulling his partner inside and giving him a swift kiss to the cheek.

“I just… wanted to spend time with you,” Logan explained. Janus smiled, pulling him in for a warming hug. They moved to sit on the couch, Janus curled into Logan’s chest, an oceanography documentary playing in the background. “I was, um, thinking about the day we decided to… get together.”

“Oh?” Janus mused, playing with Logan’s fingers gently. “What about that day?”

“Just… the way you made me feel like I wasn’t broken. Like I deserve happiness.”

_ -flashback to early in the summer- _

“I can’t help but feel… broken,” Logan sighed, laying on the floor of Janus’ room. “I know being aromantic is valid. You’ve helped me realize that, Janus. But… seeing people in romantic relationships are... they always seem so happy, and… will I ever feel happy like that?” Janus sighed from where he was propped up on his bed, pillows surrounding him. He clambered out of bed and then laid on the floor next to Logan, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers.

“You deserve the utmost of happiness. Regardless of what other people think, people like you and me  _ do _ find happiness in our lives, even if romantic relationships aren’t appealing to us,” he said, voice soft and soothing. A few moments passed before he spoke again, “Logan… do you know what a queerplatonic relationship is?”

“Vaguely.” Logan asked, turning his head to look at the other, who was staring right up at the ceiling. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, I… thought maybe you’d…” Janus didn’t finish his sentence, instead closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Logan propped himself on his elbow, laying on his side to look at the other one more closely.

“Janus, are you asking me to be your partner?” Logan asked. They’d grown closer since meeting in class and getting to know each other, and when Janus found out that he also identified as aromantic, they began to spend even more time together.

“I… yeah, I think so,” Janus replied, looking at Logan again. “We’d need to establish boundaries. But… I don’t know, I think… it could work, and maybe we could… make each other happy.”

“What kind of boundaries?” Logan pressed, not yet stating if he wanted to enter the partnership. “Like… sex stuff?”

“I- I mean, only if you  _ want _ that, we don’t have to do any of that, and if there’s something you want we can try it, and if it makes us uncomfortable we stop, it’s… all subjective to change,” Janus kept tripping over his words. He’d been thinking of asking Logan this for months, and had planned so many things out to say, but Logan never ceased to amaze him with the questions he didn’t anticipate.

“Well…” Logan started, taking a deep breath. “I would like to try… because you deserve to be happy, too, Janus.”

_ -end flashback- _

“Anyways, I have something for you,” Logan reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a rounded ring that looked like a galaxy. “You don’t have to, but, um, it’s kind of like…”

“A promise ring?” Janus took the ring into his own hands gingerly, a smile creeping onto his face. Logan nodded, then buried his face in Janus’ hair, mumbling. The smaller man said nothing but slipped the ring onto his finger.

“You make me feel happiness,” Logan said, face still buried in Janus’ hair. “I thought I couldn’t feel that, that I didn’t deserve it. But you and I deserve it, just as much as anyone else.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be posted on Sunday, August 9 at 12PM PDT!
> 
> for updates visit my tumblr vindicatedvirgil


	5. power outages can lead to some very bad things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A power outage during a group study session leads to some... unfortunate circumstances.
> 
> TW: power outage, blood, minor bouts of beat poetry violence, anxiety attack, sex mentions.

It was a dark and stormy night. 

It was midterm season.

They were all crammed into one small study room in the library. Empty potato chip bags littered on the floor, three cardboard cup holders from the nearby coffee shop on the table, the drinks having been consumed long ago. 

Logan and Janus were sitting at the desk, their laptops open in front of them, textbooks sprawled open, and their feet twisted together underneath the table. Logan’s tie was undone and around his shoulders, and Janus had shrugged out of his coat hours ago, the sleeves of his shirt pushed up to his elbows.

Patton was laying on his stomach, typing furiously at his laptop that was sitting in front of him; just in front of the laptop was Remus, sitting cross-legged with a textbook on his lap, but he had leaned his head against the wall behind him and dozed off, snoring lightly. Every once in a while Patton would look up from his laptop and smile at his boyfriend. 

Roman was sitting against another wall, legs spread out and Virgil sitting between them, both of their eyes focused on their scripts as they slowly and quietly spoke the words. They’d have to be off-script in less than a month; it had already been two weeks since they were cast.

Remus stirred, rubbing his hand against his face, and he glanced down at Patton, whose legs were swinging gently in the air, his glasses pulled up into his hair, and his eyes drooped shut until he realized it, then he opened them wide, reading the same line from his research on the laptop over and over again. The taller man smiled and lifted the laptop up and set it down on his other side, making the other glance up at him with lidded eyes and a soft smile.

“I think it’s time to get you home, little flower,” Remus’ voice was quiet and soft as he trailed his fingers against Patton’s face, who nodded and sat up, scooting to sit directly next to Remus, his head landing on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “No, don’t go dozing on my shoulder, babe,” he said, but didn’t make a move to get up, and instead wove his fingers through Patton’s, resting his head on the other’s.

From across the room, his twin was watching the interaction, and he had stopped speaking his lines, which made Virgil look back at him. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Roman shook his head, plastering a smile on his face as he refocused his eyes on the script. The tall man frowned, pushing the script down, making his boyfriend look at him. “Ro, what’s up?”

“I just…” he glanced at his twin again, whose eyes were closed but he spoke softly to Patton so that no one else could hear what he was saying. “I know they seem happy, but… I don’t buy it.” Virgil’s frown deepened, and he crossed his arms.

“Remus has changed, though…” he said, and Roman sighed, pressing his face into Virgil’s shoulder. “Ro, I know it’s hard, but please, for Patton’s sake, just… let them be.” Roman knew that his boyfriend was right, but after everything he’d been through with Remus, he wasn’t sure if his twin _ did _ deserve the happiness that he was getting. But Patton did, and that was enough for him.

And then the lights went out. The room was bathed in darkness, only the emergency lights were on but no one could see anyone else. Roman felt as Virgil tensed up in his arms, a low whimper escaping, and he wrapped his arms tightly around his taller boyfriend.

“What’s happening?” Patton’s voice rang out and there was some clamoring heard, probably him trying to stand up. After a few moments, someone shook the door; but the doors into the study rooms were electric, and it didn’t budge. “Are we… stuck in here?”

“Oh god,” Virgil’s voice was breathy and panicked, and Roman felt him start to shake more. “Jan, I-”

“Roman, keep talking to him and hold him tightly okay? The dark and closed in spaces make him anxious,” Janus’ voice was there, calm and collected, and Roman followed his instructions, lacing his fingers through Virgil’s hair.

“I’m here, V. I’ve got you, okay? Hey, once we get out of here, I’ll walk you home and we can cuddle with the lights on,” he began, trying to speak in a soothing voice. “Where are your headphones? Do you want to listen to some jazz?” He murmured an affirmation and in the dark, Roman ruffled through Virgil’s backpack to find the headphones, then connected the bluetooth to his phone, playing soft jazz for him, cuddling him close by.

Janus and Logan’s hands had met in the darkness, the lights from their laptops fading out since they could do no work with the internet out. Logan’s voice was there, calm, “If you need to go over and sit with Virgil, please do,” he said, but Janus just gripped his hand tighter.

“I need to learn that others can care for him, too,” he said softly, so that no one else could hear him. “If he needs me, I’ll go, but I also need you, Lo.” He scooted his chair closer to Logan’s, his head resting on the astronomy major’s shoulder, and they sat in silence, waiting out the darkness as the wind raged and whistled outside.

Patton had returned to his spot on the floor next to Remus, and the two met eyes in the dim lights, a smirk on Remus’ face, and a pale blush over Patton’s. “Remus, I know that look, but please, the others are here,” he whispered as Remus pressed kisses to his neck, his hand trailing to grip Patton’s hip.

“But, think about it, what if we ran the risk of getting caught, doesn’t that sound… exhilarating to you?” Remus’ voice was low and it sent a shockwave through Patton, who bit his lip to prevent a low whine from escaping his throat. He gripped the front of Remus’ shirt tightly and pulled him so their lips met, and they did their best to be quiet as their hands continued wandering, though not yet dipping below the waistline.

It was like that for a while, each couple buried in the feeling and comfort of their partner, not much attention being paid to the others. That was, until Remus bit a little too hard at Patton’s ear, causing a yelp to come out of the small man. Instantly, Roman was standing, Virgil being pushed aside.

“What the hell are you doing, Remus?” His voice was booming, and Janus leapt into action, taking Virgil into his arms, cradling the shaking man. Logan moved, too, a hand firmly on Roman’s chest. “Get off of him, you’re hurting him!” Roman’s voice was laced with hatred and anger as he shouted those words. Patton stood up, fixing his clothes which had become haphazard with all of the grabbing.

“He’s not hurting me, Ro! We were-” He didn’t finish his sentence, embarrassment clearly in his tone, but no one could see the deep blush that coated his cheeks. “Why would you think he was hurting me?”

“Because his friends hurt  _ me _ and I can’t trust him to not hurt you!” Roman yelled, trying to push past Logan, but the nerd was surprisingly strong, and kept the theatrical man where he was. “Let me at him!” Remus stepped closer.

“Let him go, Logan. We need to deal with this. It’s been swept under the rug too many times,” Remus said, and Logan stepped behind him, pulling Patton under his arm.

“Roman, please,” Patton whined, his hand trying to reach for the back of Remus’ shirt. “He’s not going to hurt me.”

“You don’t know him like I do, Pat. He’s dangerous. He’s done some awful things, and he hasn’t changed,” Roman said, voice shaking but his voice was shaking with fury. “I wanted to believe that he had changed for the better, but he hasn’t, and I won’t let him hurt you.” Before Patton could respond, Remus’ voice was there, responding.

“You’re wrong, Ro. I have changed. And I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you and that the people I used to be around hurt you, but I’m different now, I swear. I-”

He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence as Roman grabbed his shirt, and a clenched fist collided with Remus’ face, knocking him onto the floor. Patton screamed, throwing himself onto Remus to make sure he was okay. 

And then the lights turned on.

Suddenly, Virgil stood up, grabbing his stuff, and stormed out without saying anything. Janus gave a look to Logan, who nodded, and ran after him, not looking back. 

“Hey, hey, look at me, babe. You’re gonna be okay,” Patton’s words were soothing as he grabbed his backpack and rummaged through it for some tissues. He wiped the blood away from Remus’ nose, then pressed against his eye. “It’s going to swell. We should get some ice on it.”

“I’m so sorry, little flower,” Remus’ voice cracked, eyes shut tightly as he tried to stand. Patton stood with him, stabilizing him, and with his free hand he packed up all of their things and slid both of their bags over his shoulder. With a lasting, disappointed look at Roman, he led Remus out of the room, their voices too low for Roman to hear what was being said. 

Logan had returned to his spot, packing up his things and then Janus’. Roman glanced over at him, then sank to his knees, regret filling him. “Did I just fuck up?”

“Logically speaking? Yes.” Logan responded plainly, his eyes not looking towards the theatrical one. “Remus  _ has _ changed. I know that it can be hard for you to believe that, given your history but… Patton is truly happy with him, and you need to let them be happy. You and Virgil are happy, so I would think it is only logical that you allow your brother to be happy, too.”

“I should check on Virgil,” Roman said, scooting over to pack up his things. Logan slid the straps for his backpack and Janus’ bag over his shoulders then walked over to Roman, setting a hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Maybe wait until tomorrow. Go home, get some rest, let it all blow over. Janus can take care of him for the night,” Logan recommended, then gathered the trash the others had scattered, and left, leaving Roman alone on the floor.

When Roman got back to the apartment, all of the lights were out. Patton and Logan were nowhere to be seen, so he figured that they were both spending the night at the other apartment. He showered then got into bed, but laid on his back staring up at his ceiling until the sun started to bleed through the break in his curtains. He fucked up.

-

Virgil slammed the door to his bedroom shut. He was surprised that he was able to keep the tears from falling until this moment, but when his knees met the ground and his backpack slumped onto the floor, they fell. His body shook with sobs, and he barely registered Janus’ arms wrapping around him, the soothing tones of his voice lulling him into a sleep.

Once Janus knew that Virgil was asleep for the night, he removed his shoes and headphones, then dimmed the lights in the bedroom and stepped out. When he did so, he saw Remus sprawled on the couch, Patton sitting on the floor with tears tracking down his face and one of Remus’ hands in both of his, and Logan was leaning over him, pressing ice against Remus’ eye. 

“How is he?” Janus asked, exhaustion evident in his voice. Patton glanced over at him, concern in his eyes.

“He passed out as soon as they left the library. Luckily, I was able to help Patton drag him here,” Logan explained, setting the ice down on the coffee table. “How’s Virgil?”

“Asleep. He didn’t say anything, though.” He responded, collapsing onto the chair, pressing his fingers against his forehead. “I’m going to kill Roman if he hurts Virgil.” Patton chewed on his lower lip, eyes focused on Remus. Silence fell over the room as Logan cleaned up the towels and ice he had used.

“Can you help me get him into bed?” Patton finally asked, glancing at Logan and Janus. They both nodded softly, then helped him carry Remus into bed. Once he was in bed, Logan and Janus left, leaving Patton to remove Remus’ bloody shirt, his shoes having been discarded when they entered the apartment. He slid Remus’ jeans off next, then undressed himself, putting on one of Remus’ large shirts. He got under the covers next to Remus, then held him tightly, eyes focused on his boyfriend. Patton wouldn’t be sleeping. He needed to make sure that Remus would be okay.

Outside the bedrooms, Janus buried himself in Logan’s arms, the stress cascading off of him like the sloughing of dirt off of a dirty window in the rain. “Please stay,” he whispered, and Logan nodded, pressing his lips to the top of Janus’ head.

-

Remus woke up in his own bed, but the arms that were around him were softer than any pillow could have been. His eyes fluttered open to see Patton staring at him, dark circles under his eyes, hair mussed into a messy bun. “Morning, little flower,” he said weakly, his throat feeling parched. Patton said nothing at first but scrambled to grab his bottle of water, then held it to Remus’ lips.

“How are you feeling?” he asked softly, setting the bottle back down. Remus shrugged, his hand gravitating towards his face, and it stung a bit when he touched his cheek. “You have a black eye, but Logan examined you and said that you don’t have a broken nose or anything,” Patton explained. “You passed out once we left the library.”

“Is Roman okay?” Remus asked. Patton’s face went hard, and he looked away from Remus.

“Logan and I both spent the night here, so I’m not sure,” he responded, sighing a little. “He said that Roman looked pretty defeated, but…” Patton’s eyes went back to Remus’, and there was a fire behind his pupils that he hadn’t seen before. “I’m pissed at him.”

“No, little flower, it’s fine, I’ve messed up in the past and… I deserved it.” Remus explained, taking one of Patton’s hands in his own. “He never lashed out like that before. I’m glad that he finally did.”

“I’m not. He  _ hurt _ you, Remus. I won’t let him hurt the man that I-”

He was cut off by Remus leaning up to kiss him softly.

“Don’t, please. You’re too full of emotions right now, Patton, I don’t want you to say something that you’ll regret later,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against his boyfriend’s. “I know you mean it right now, but I don’t want you to say it today and then not feel it tomorrow. Please, Patton.”

-

Janus woke up in Logan’s arms. They were messy last night, their clothes scattered on the floor and he had forgone his usual pillows for Logan’s warm chest after their sloppy sex. Janus felt fidgety as he slid out of Logan’s arms and pulled on his robe.

He prayed that Virgil was still asleep as he crossed the hallway and opened the door to the emo’s room a smidge. Snores were echoing out of the crack in the door, and Janus breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped in, closing the door behind him. He sat on the desk chair, and watched Virgil for a long time. Long enough for Logan to bring him in a cup of coffee. Long enough for Remus to peek in and apologize quietly for what had happened.

When Virgil woke up, the first thing he saw was Janus, sipping on his mug of coffee. He felt groggy, and it took a few moments for him to recall the events of what had happened in the study room. When he did, there was a visible shake in his hands.

“Are you okay?” Janus’ voice was smooth, and Virgil just shrugged, not trusting his own voice. Virgil met his eyes, then glanced at the door and back to him. Janus nodded in understanding; they had been friends for so long that they understood exactly what the other person was asking, even if it was just with their eyes. “Remus is okay. Patton took good care of him, and I think they are eating breakfast right now. Logan spent the night, but he will be going back to their apartment soon since he has some school work to finish up. No one has heard from Roman.”

“I should call him,” Virgil started, but hesitated when Janus frowned at his sentence. “He messed up, Janus. He needs to know that.”

“I think he does. But please, Virgil. Take it easy today,” Janus’ voice was pleading, but Virgil just shook his head. 

“Do you know what happened between them?” he asked. Janus’ frown deepened.  
“I only know the miniscule parts of the story that Remus has relayed to us both,” he explained, and Virgil nodded. “That his high school friends made fun of and then physically hurt Roman, that Remus and all of his friends ended up in jail one night, and that Remus and Roman both had to go to therapy for a long time.”

“Roman won’t talk about it. I tried asking, but he changes the subject every time. He’s scared that it’ll happen again, that it’ll happen to Patton,” Virgil said, hugging one of his pillows tightly. “He was in the wrong to punch Remus, but… I think I’d probably do the same if one of my best friends was with someone who had caused me so much pain in the past. I’d punch Logan for you.”

“You love him,” Janus said plainly, but Virgil didn’t respond. Janus knew Roman screwed up, but he also knew that Virgil was happy with Roman, happier than he’d ever been, and if Janus had to pick up the pieces and stick them back together, despite everything, he’d do it. For Virgil. “Look. I know it’s scary. And this whole situation with Remus... it’s… complicated. But don’t let that stop you from opening up to Roman, okay? He had one small slip up, and… Remus has accepted that he deserved it. So we should all accept it, too.”

“I don’t want to lose him, Jan,” Virgil said, the words gushing out of his mouth. “What do I do?”

-

Roman was still in bed. He heard someone get home and shower, then he heard typing, so he figured that it was Logan working on his assignments. He wished he could sleep, but he kept running the events through his head over and over again, glancing every once in a while at his phone; he had turned it off hours ago. 

He heard a knock at the front door and some chatter, and then the door to his bedroom was opening, Virgil’s head peeking in.

“Virgil, I-”

“You just... be quiet for a second, okay?” Virgil said, stepping in. He set his backpack down on the ground and then crossed his arms, looking at Roman intensely. “You shouldn’t have punched Remus. It was wrong, and even though he has accepted that he deserved it, you still hurt Patton. And you made my anxiety attack worse in the process. I was so scared for you, and for Remus.” He took a deep breath, eyes trailing to the pile of clothes on the ground. “I know things are hard with you and Remus, but, as someone who has lived with him for a while and has seen the growth he’s made? He deserves to be happy with Patton.”

“I’m so sorry, Virgil,” Roman’s voice cracked, and he fought the tears that were tempting to release from his eyes. “I fucked up. I shouldn’t have done that, I was just so angry. It reminded me so much of what had happened so long ago.” Virgil stepped out of his shoes and got onto the bed with Roman, taking his hands in his. “I just… lost it for a moment. I promise I’ve never punched anyone before.”

“I know, I believe you,” Virgil said softly, scooting closer to him. Roman pressed their foreheads together. “We’re going to be okay, Ro.”

“Is Remus okay?” Roman asked hesitantly.

“Patton took good care of him. He’ll be good as new in a few days, I’m sure,” Virgil smiled weakly. “It’s Remus. You and I both know that he bounces back quickly.” Roman let out a low laugh at this, and Virgil twisted his fingers in Roman’s hair. “I like you a lot, Roman. If I had said anything last night, I might have said something stupid that I didn’t mean. But I like you a lot, and you’re not going to scare me away that easily.”

“Okay, good,” Roman breathed out, as that was a concern that he had been holding tightly to his chest all night. “I don’t want to lose you, V. I… I love you.” The words came out before he could stop them, and a look of surprise crossed Virgil’s face, and then one of terror. “Shit. I’m sorry. You don’t need to say it back until you’re ready. I just…” He sighed, but then Virgil smiled at him and kissed him.

“Thank you, Ro,” he said between kisses. “I’m not ready to say it yet. Once I am, I promise I’ll tell you.” Roman let out a sigh of relief as Virgil resumed kissing him, their bodies pressing together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> part six will be posted on Sunday, July 16 at 12PM PDT. for updates, visit vindicatedvirgil.tumblr.com
> 
> TEASER: part six / a twin and twelve tattoos  
> “The day Roman was hurt, I tried to stop them. So, they hurt me too,” Remus’ voice was shaky, and Patton pulled him into his arms. “He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know that they hurt me, too. I had to protect him, Patton. I tried my best. I didn’t know that they’d hurt him, I swear.”


	6. a twin and twelve tattoos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus grapples with the memories of his past.
> 
> TW: mentions of past abusive relationship, mention of physical violence, brief & subtle mention of sex, mentions of scars, mentions of picking at scabs, food mention, mention of hospitalization, mention of police & jail.

Remus watched as his brother ran around playing with the others. He was smiling, laughing, in a way that was more lighthearted than when they played in their bedroom at home. Remus dug his finger farther into the hole of dirt he’d made, the muck getting under his fingernails but he didn’t care. With his other hand he pulled frustratingly at the grass around him, but his eyes were focused on Roman, pretending to be a prince, defeating the kids who were the villains in the scenario. 

When they got home from school that afternoon, Roman immediately turned on the television to watch a Disney cartoon, and Remus felt the anger bubbling up inside of him. He was jealous. He loved his brother more than anyone ever could, and how could Roman stand to be around everyone else? They were mean to Remus, making fun of the way his hands twitched. He hated them. He wanted to hurt them. He wanted to protect Roman from getting hurt.

-

“You alright?” Patton’s voice was calling to him. They were at a restaurant, Remus’ long arms stretched along the table so that Patton could play with his long fingers. Remus met his eyes, smiling, and just nodded, watching as Patton’s eyes drifted back down to the menu in front of him.

“I was just thinking about Roman,” Remus finally said, and Patton’s eyes snapped back up. They hadn’t talked much about his twin lately, Patton only returning to the apartment to get fresh clothes or to talk to Logan. Remus had never pegged him to be the type to hold a grudge, but even after the bruise around his eye faded back into his normal skin tone, Patton only regarded Roman with ice-cold glares and frowns, despite Remus’ pleas to move on. “I would get really jealous of all of the friends that he made during elementary school, so much so that I wanted to destroy every single one of them so that Roman would only pay attention to me,” he mused, trying to lighten the mood, share a fond memory maybe. Patton didn’t respond, though, instead opting to glance back down at the menu.

“I think it’s a pasta kind of night,” he said softly, one of his hands leaving Remus’ to flip to the next page of the menu. Remus sighed.

“Come now, little flower. How long is this going to go on? He’s one of your best friends,” he watched as Patton’s shoulders slumped a little bit at the words. “The performances start in a few weeks, and we really should go to support him and Virgil.”

“We will go, I just…” Patton’s voice sounded resigned, and he looked up at Remus, sadness in his eyes. “The first time I find someone who I like and actually likes me back, and… it feels like we’re teetering on the edge of destruction.” Remus frowned at this, taking Patton’s hands in his again.

“Pat, I promise, you mean too much to me for me to let anything bad happen to us… but Roman is one of your best friends, and he’s my brother, and we just… have to move on from this,” his eyes were pleading, and Patton’s face fell, but he nodded.

“I know. You’re right, I just… I hated seeing you hurt,” he explained, and Remus smiled lovingly at him. Then the waiter came over to take their meal orders, and the pair fell into a gentle conversation.

-

“Ewww, Remus is picking at his scab!” One of the girls in the class was shrieking at him, pointing and covering her face in horror. But Remus couldn’t help it; when he fell off of his skateboard last week and scratched up his arm, it left a scab that he knew would be pleasing to peel off. And this class was  _ so _ boring, he didn’t understand why they were reading books from mid-century when there were way more interesting contemporaries.

“Remus, stop disturbing your classmates or you’ll be sent to the office. Again.” The teacher’s voice was tired; Remus had been sent to the office twice already that month, and it started causing a rift in their home. Roman,  _ perfect _ ,  _ sweet _ ,  _ Roman _ , was doing so well, got the lead in the school play during his freshman year! But Remus, oh what would they do with him?

The night before, he went down to get water from the kitchen but overheard his parents talking about him. The words “boarding school” and “military school” were thrown around, sending Remus into a fit of rage. He stormed out into the backyard, taking refuge in the treehouse that he used to spend every summer afternoon in with Roman.

Why didn’t anyone understand him? His brain was weird, but no one listened to him. Even Roman had started to tune him out with headphones blasting musical numbers and Disney songs; Remus had lost the one person who he thought he could trust. He wished that his parents would listen to his pleas about going to see a therapist, but their response was always the same: it cost too much money.

But he had done his research. It would cost significantly less to send Remus to therapy than it would to send him to boarding school or military school. And he knew that if he was sent away, he would only get worse. He tried explaining this to them, to Roman, but they all avoided him when he had his outbursts. Eventually, he gave up, instead opting to sneak out of the house every night to wander the dark streets of their small town.

That was when he met them. A small group of boys a bit older than him, who would plague the park every night until a police cruiser came by to tell them all to go home. Remus felt like he belonged with them as he spoke of his bad thoughts, of bashing his brother’s head in with the oar that hung above the fireplace, a memento of their father’s days of rowing in college. They took Remus under their collective wing, showing him the best places to lurk at night, teaching him the best ways to sneak off of their school campus. 

How was he supposed to know what would happen?

-

Patton was putting some of his clothes into a duffel bag, and Remus was sitting cross-legged on the floor. “Hmm, the more clothes I pack, the less I’ll have to come back here,” he mused, pawing through his closet. Remus sighed, stretching his arms up so his shirt lifted a bit, revealing some skin. Patton glanced over at him, eyes travelling to the tattoos that were covering some of Remus’ stomach scars. 

He stepped closer, sinking down to kneel in front of Remus, and his fingers tugged at the hem of the shirt, pulling it over Remus’ head. He pressed against the tattoos of throwing stars, feeling the scar tissue underneath. Patton had seen the scars before, when he took care of Remus after that night at the library, and in their moments of deep intimacy. But he was always so hesitant to ask where they had come from.

“Re… what are these scars?” Patton’s voice was low, and Remus just leaned forward, pressing his lips to Patton’s, who pulled back despite wanting to continue. Remus sighed, deciding to explain in as little detail as possible.

“The day Roman was hurt, I tried to stop them. So, they hurt me too,” Remus’ voice was shaky, and Patton pulled him into his arms. “He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know that they hurt me, too. I had to protect him, Patton. I tried my best. I didn’t know that they’d hurt him, I swear.”

“Shh, it’s okay. He’s okay, you’re okay, and you’re here now with me,” Patton ran his fingers through Remus’ hair in a soothing way, and he felt tears stain his shirt. He said nothing about this, though, murmuring soft things to his boyfriend. “Remus, you’re safe, and Roman is safe. Okay? Everything’s okay.” The two sat in silence for a while, until Remus scrambled to get more comfortable in Patton’s arms, their lips meeting haphazardly and needily, hands trailing lower and lower.

-

Patton smiled lazily over at Remus afterwards, his fingers grazing along the crossbow tattoo on the back of his shoulders. His eyes trailed down, onto the letters tattooed brutally on Remus’ lower back, and leaned down to press a kiss to the word. “I don’t think you’re naughty, hmm... well… maybe sometimes,” he teased, and Remus laughed lowly, stretching his arms out to rest his head on. 

“I can be more or less naughty, babe. Whatever you want,” he replied softly as Patton’s fingers trailed along the rest of Remus’ tattoos. Patton had come to love them all for their uniqueness, the knife that was on his right middle finger, the quiver with bows on the back of his upper right arm, the pollaxe on his right outer ankle, the three throwing knives on the bottom of his left foot, even the flail on his left thigh. Sometimes in the pale light of the night, Patton would press kisses to all twelve of Remus’ tattoos, murmuring sweet words that made Remus want to scoop his boyfriend up and snuggle forever.

“Have you ever thought of getting more tattoos?” Patton finally spoke over the comfortable silence that had fallen over the couple. Remus glanced over his shoulder at him, pursing his lips in thought. 

“Maybe some science beakers,” he said. “What about you, little flower?” Patton had just the floral tattoos on his arms and upper shoulders, and Remus loved massaging his long fingers over them.

“More flowers would always be good,” Patton murmured, and Remus sat up, pulling the smaller man into his arms. “I always told Roman that he should get musical notes along his spine,” Patton said without thinking, and Remus smiled fondly at him.

“Oh, Pat. You really need to talk to him, I can tell that you miss him,” he said, and Patton’s eyes fell, nodding. “I would miss Janus or Virgil if I didn’t see them anymore.”

“How did you even meet them?” Patton asked, trying to change the subject. Remus closed his eyes, deep in thought.

“I jumped in their cart at the grocery store and told them to push me around like a baby. Virgil was Virgil about it, of course, but Jan? He ran with it. Literally.” Remus said nonchalantly, and Patton giggled a little at what he clearly knew was a lie. “Okay, fine. I was in a general education science class with them. There was a project that required three people so they asked me to join their duo. I didn’t leave them alone after that.” He pressed his face into Patton’s side, making the other giggle again. “I love the sound of your giggles.”

“I love you,” Patton breathed out, and Remus’ breath caught in his throat, memories flooding back through his mind, and he gripped at Patton to try to ground himself, to remind him that he was there, on Patton’s bed, not in that place or with that person.

-

Remus looked up at  _ him _ from his spot on the floor, his eyes focused on the bare skin that showed when  _ he _ lifted the shirt over  _ his _ head, and Remus was filled with adoration and awe, and the words fell out of his mouth like bricks, and he couldn’t stop them: “I think I’m in love with you.” He had hoped for a smile or a soft glance back, but all he got was a glare and a frown.

“No you don’t. Get that fucking thought of your head, whore,”  _ His _ voice was raspy as always, but now it was laced with poison. Remus thought that he would implode from the impact of those words. But they refused to leave his soul.

-

“Re? Hey, what’s wrong? Did I… did I mess up?” Patton’s voice was back, calling Remus into the present, into the soft touches and worried glances of the floral boy. “I’m so sorry, if I upset you…” Remus shook his head quickly, looking up at Patton’s concerned face. 

“You didn’t. I just…” Remus hadn’t said those words to anybody since that day, since that spot on the floor. “I need to tell you more about my past. Before I say anything else.” Patton nodded, worry still evident in his eyes, and Remus sat up, taking Patton’s hands into his own. “In high school… I joined this group. They were the only ones who I thought could understand me, because my parents and Roman had long given up on me.”

“Re-”

“Please, Pat… let me say this,” Remus’ eyes were pleading, and Patton nodded again, allowing the silence to fill the space between them before Remus started talking again. “My parents were considering sending me to military school or boarding school. They wouldn’t let me go to therapy. I knew that I needed it. But… instead I met this group of guys who caused… all kinds of chaos. Except, for the first time in my life, I felt like I fit in with someone who didn’t look exactly like me. They listened to me,” Remus sighed. “And then… they took what I was saying, what I hate that I was thinking, way too literally. They hurt Roman, and then me when I tried to protect him.”

This was the part of the story that Patton knew. Police showed up. Roman was taken to the hospital, as was Remus, but the only difference was that Remus was in handcuffs. After he was declared okay, he had to sit in a jail cell with his “friends”. Remus didn’t know if Roman was okay or not, and his parents didn’t free him, even as all of his friends were bailed out.

When he was finally let out, he requested a psychological evaluation. His parents couldn’t put their foot down on this; and when he was evaluated, they found out just what was wrong with Remus, why he was the way that he was. So he finally got to go to therapy and get treatment, but his relationship with Roman was never the same. 

“After everything went down… I went back to the park. One of them was there, like he was waiting for me,” remembrance shone in Remus’ eyes, and he couldn’t look at Patton’s face anymore. “He was a senior, I was a sophomore. And… at some point… he kissed me. I was young and stupid, and we fell into… well, for the lack of a better word, a relationship. But it was toxic. I got my ‘naughty’ tattoo at that time. Got the tattoo area infected, too,” he sighed. Patton hadn’t said anything or made any movements, so Remus kept going. Kept reminiscing. “I didn’t know what love was. It... wasn’t that. But I didn’t know any better. So… being the dumb kid I was… I told him. I blurted it out.

“He hit me so hard that day, that when I got home, Roman flipped his shit, told me that if he ever saw me with one of those guys again, he’d call the police and tell them that I was being abused and hurt and that I needed to be sent away for my protection,” Remus felt a finger graze his cheek. He was crying and Patton was wiping his tears away with the pad of his thumb. “I couldn’t bear to hurt Roman again, even though we had grown so distant. So… I never contacted any of them again. But… that day was the last time I ever told someone that I loved them. I’m almost afraid to say it. All of the others I’ve dated? Whenever they said it, I bolted. Because what if… what if they were lying and when I said it back they hurt me?”

Silence fell over the room, and then Patton’s hand was there on his cheek, and he wanted to flinch, he wanted to cry and run and scream. But he didn’t. And then Patton’s lips were on his, and it was like CPR, he was getting filled with love and hope and air. And sunshine. Patton was all of those things and Remus knew that he wouldn’t get hurt by him. 

“Remus, I know that you’ve been hurt, I feel it, and my heart aches for you,” Patton’s voice was soothing and Remus wanted to wrap himself up in it like a blanket. “But I swear to you, I am here. I’m in this. I love you, Remus, and I don’t care if you don’t say it for months or years or if you never say it out loud. I’m not changing my mind on this, I’m not going to run or leave. Here I am. I’m yours.”

And then Remus was clinging to Patton’s shoulders, sobbing, his breathing more like gasping, but he was bolstered by Patton’s surprisingly strong grip. The words were so close to coming out of his mouth, but it was like there was a phantom hand over his mouth, pushing them back in, making him gag, and he couldn’t say it. But, oh, he  _ wanted  _ to.

-

Roman’s hand was frozen over the door handle to Patton’s room. He listened, accidentally. The admissions by Remus of everything that had happened. He didn’t know that Remus had gotten hurt, too. Not like he did. Regret filled his every cell, and he wanted to run in, sobbing, and hug his brother like they’d hug when they were kids, for no reason and for every reason.

Instead, he pulled his hand back, sticking it into his jacket pocket. He glanced over his shoulder to see Logan, adjusting his glasses. Roman nodded, looking down, then went into his room. Maybe a letter. Maybe a note.  _ Something _ to tell Remus that he understood, that he felt his pain, and that they were going to be okay someday very soon.

He needed to apologize to Patton, too.

-

Patton and Remus were heading out of the apartment, Patton’s duffel bag gripped tightly in hand. He wasn’t leaving because of Roman this time, he was leaving because he needed to be with Remus after the emotional devastation of the day. Except when they went out into the living room, Roman was there, sitting on the couch, two envelopes in his hands. He stood up as soon as he saw the couple and walked over to them.

“I-” He paused, not sure of what he wanted to say. “I’m so sorry. For everything.” The words were jumbled in his head, but that was why he wrote letters. So he handed the letters over before running away. Patton blinked, and Remus itched to run after his twin, but he didn’t. Instead, they both sat down on the couch, Patton’s duffel bag forgotten and dropped on the floor.

-

_ Dear Patton, _

_ I’m sorry. I wanted so hard to believe that I was protecting you so that what happened to me didn’t happen to you, but I ended up being the one who hurt you in the end. Remus has grown so much and now I see that everything that happened to us in high school had less to do with him and everything to do with the horrible people around us, including our parents. _

_ My mind has been so focused on Virgil and the musical that I didn’t even realize how quickly you and Remus have fit together and fallen in love, and I’m so happy for you, Patton. I truly am.  _

_ I know that I’ve messed up. I don’t think that I can ever forgive myself so I don’t expect forgiveness from you. _

_ But I promise that if you ever want me around you, I will do my best to be the best gosh darn friend you’ve ever had (excluding Logan, I know that you two are the pinnacle of friendship and I don’t want to erase that). _

_ You’re one of my best friends, Patton. And I love you. _

_ ~Roman _

-

_ Dear Remus, _

_ I didn’t intend to overhear part of your conversation with Patton, but I did. And so now I know. I know that you were hurt trying to protect me from them, that you went to therapy like I did, that you have been hurt so much more than I ever could have imagined. _

_ And I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed your brother. A friend. Anyone. I should have defended you to all of my friends and the people in our school who said such horrid things about you. I should have defended you to Mom and Dad. I should have listened to you. And I’m so sorry that I didn’t. I wish I could go back in time and listen to you when you begged for us to hear you. _

_ I’m also sorry that I punched you. I’ve been on edge lately. I told Virgil that I love him and he hasn’t said it back. The musical dates are coming up and I’m so scared for Virgil, he’s so nervous. My whole mind is filled with him and I panicked when I thought that Patton was getting hurt because that means that I dropped the ball. I was supposed to protect him, protect my friends so they wouldn’t get hurt the way I did. _

_ Except I’m the one that hurt him, and I hurt you too. And this whole time, maybe I should have been more concerned with protecting you, Remus. I’m trying to look at things with an optimistic lens, but I know that I’ve fucked up and I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself, so I don’t expect forgiveness from you or from Patton. _

_ But I’m going to say this because you need to hear it: you’re not broken, Remus. The things that happened to you did not happen to you because you deserved them. You didn’t deserve any of it. You are an incredible person, a great brother, and I see how much you care for Patton. He is what you truly have earned: someone to make you happy and hopeful and to give you all of the love that you were wrongfully not given.  _

_ I’m not sure how to be a better brother to you, but I’m going to do my best.  _

_ I love you, Remus. I’m sorry. _

_ ~Roman _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> teaser for part seven: performance anxiety
> 
> What did that one song say? Only fools rush in.  
> Virgil didn’t want to be a fool. He didn’t want to rush. He wanted to take his time, but it was so hard when Roman was so… perfect. Perfect Roman bringing over flowers from Patton’s mom’s floral shop, taking him to sit under the stars or in the sunshine, bringing a smile to his face and kissing his cheeks–
> 
> part seven will be posted on sunday, august 23 at 12PM PDT! for updates please visit vindicatedvirgil.tumblr.com


	7. performance anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> summary: Virgil feels anxiety towards multiple things, including the upcoming performances and his intimacy with Roman.
> 
> TW: anxiety attack, mention of suicide attempt, blood mention, lots of self-doubt, vague sex mentions, mentions of scars
> 
> also more Wicked: The Musical spoilers.

_ Wise men say _

_ Only fools rush in _

_ But I can't help falling in love with you _

_ Shall I stay? _

_ Would it be a sin _

_ If I can't help falling in love with you? _

-

Virgil stood off stage, hands wringing as he watched the final scenes of the dress rehearsal. Roman was in his scarecrow outfit then, and he reached down into the hatch under the stage to pull up the actress who was playing Elphaba.

“ _ Fiyero! I thought you’d never get here _ ,” the actress said, embracing Roman tightly, touching his face.

“ _ Go ahead, touch. I don’t mind, _ ” Roman breathed deeply. “ _ Ah, you did the best you could. You saved my life. _ ”

“ _ You’re still beautiful _ ,” she said, and Roman laughed lightly, looking down at the ground.

“ _ You don’t have to lie to me, _ ” he responded, and Virgil chewed on his lower lip, watching their foreheads press together.

“ _ It’s not lying… it’s looking at things another way _ ,” her voice wavered, and Virgil knew she’d be the one receiving a standing ovation on opening night. Still, he turned on his heel; he couldn’t bear to watch Roman kiss her again. Fiyero kisses both leads, and Virgil tried to avoid watching those moments every single time; though, he had accidentally seen the kiss between Roman and the actress who plays Glinda earlier, and it was now the only thing he saw when he closed his eyes. When he was called on stage to join the curtain call, he held Nessarose’s actress’ hand lightly, not looking to where Roman was situated between those playing Glinda and Elphaba.

Later, he sat in the green room, wiping off the silver makeup of the Tin Man, his mind and heart racing. Perhaps playing a character like Boq was starting to affect the way he thought, the way he was reacting to his relationship with Roman.

Things were so new between them, but the feelings were so strong. Roman had started saying he loved Virgil more frequently, and he wondered if the shorter man was expecting him to say it back soon. He wasn’t ready to say it, though. Maybe he felt it, but the words were like lumps in his throat that he couldn’t bear to get rid of yet.

Virgil’s parents never once told him that they loved him. The first person to tell him those words was Janus, and even after being best friends for so long, Virgil only said those words to the other on very rare occasions.

What did that one song say?  _ Only fools rush in. _

Virgil didn’t want to be a fool. He didn’t want to rush. He wanted to take his time, but it was so hard when Roman was so… perfect. Perfect Roman bringing over flowers from Patton’s mom’s floral shop, taking him to sit under the stars or in the sunshine, bringing a smile to his face and kissing his cheeks–

It made Virgil want to burst into tears. No one other than Janus had ever paid him this much attention. Every single time Roman leaned up on the tips of his toes to kiss Virgil’s lips with as much love and passion as the first time, it made Virgil weak at the knees. It made him want to latch onto Roman and never let go.

And he wondered if Roman kissed the actresses the same way. If he gave them the same amount of consideration and gentleness as he did when Virgil was feeling anxious, if the girls could taste Roman’s cherry chapstick or the lingering flavor of the iced coffee that the couple would share during rehearsal breaks. Virgil only had to kiss the actress playing Nessarose on the cheek, and even so, they hadn’t done it in every rehearsal.

The character of Boq– so in love with Glinda, only being with Nessa because he felt bad for her, because he thought that if he was kind to her then Glinda would pay him attention– was not the kindest character to play. Was Virgil like him?

Or, was Roman like Fiyero? Staying with Glinda to keep up appearances but secretly in love with Elphaba, until the two eventually run away together and let everyone believe they are dead?

-

Janus slid out of bed to get more water from the kitchen. He glanced at the clock on the wall, noting that it was nearing four in the morning. When he passed Virgil’s room, the light shone under the door and he could hear scribbling and crumpling, and concern shot through him. Janus knocked once at the door, peering in.

“Vee? You alright…?” Janus was always hesitant to walk into Virgil’s room; sometimes, he got flashbacks of the day that he found Virgil on his bed, the blood seeping through his clothes as he rushed to care for his best friend. Janus shook his head, trying to shake the thought from his head as he saw Virgil sitting cross-legged on the floor, notebook open but many crumpled pages scattered around. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“Can’t sleep. Need… I need to figure this out,” Virgil’s voice was hoarse, and when he glanced up at Janus, his eyes were red, the dark circles underneath deeper than they’d been in a while. Janus settled on the floor beside him, glancing at the words he was writing down.

- _ Virgil Similarities to Boq: weak weak weak weak weak weak no heart _

_ -Roman Similarities to Fiyero: is he cheating on me does he love someone else does he even care is he kissing someone else _

Janus frowned, then took the notebook out of Virgil’s hands. “Hey, look at me, right now. You two are not your characters, okay? And you are not weak, Vee.” He set the notebook down and took Virgil’s shaking hands in his own. “Talk to me.”

“I just... Roman kisses the leads, and I’m offstage watching, and I can’t, I can’t do it,” Virgil shut his eyes tightly, trying to hold the tears in. “I’m not good enough for him, Jan, I can’t be.” Janus’ frown deepened, and he rubbed his thumbs against the back of Virgil’s hands.

“Breathe with me, Vee. Hey. Look in my eyes, and breathe,” Janus ordered, and Virgil met his eyes, the tears spilling over the edge. The two sat and breathed deeply together, Virgil following Janus’ lead, for several minutes, until the shaking stopped and the tears were dribbling down his cheeks instead of streaming down them. Eventually, Virgil clambered into Janus’ lap, the way he had so many times on those difficult nights during high school.

Janus ran his fingers through Virgil’s hair with one hand and rubbed circles on his wrist with the other, like he always did. The tall man’s tears slowed to a stop and his breathing fully evened out, but Janus could still tell that Virgil was anxious about the situation. He’d known the other man for so long that he could feel the emotions pouring out, even if they were both sitting in silence. 

“Virgil, I’m going to call Roman, okay?” Janus’ voice was smooth, and instantly, Virgil was sitting up, panic crossing his face.

“No, please, he can’t see me like this, Jan!” Virgil pleaded, but Janus shook his head. “I need  _ you _ , no one else. Please don’t force me out or make me someone else’s problem!” Guilt tore through Janus’ body and he held back tears, taking Virgil into his arms again.

“That isn’t what I’m doing,” Janus started to explain, regret filling his bones. “I just… I see how much Roman helps you and how he makes you feel. If you’re going to remain with him, then he does need to see this, he needs to know how to help you.” Virgil kept shaking his head, and Janus sighed, his fingers lacing their way back through the long hair. “Do you love him?”

“I… you know how I feel about saying that,” Virgil’s voice was hoarse again, his heartbeat uneven. Janus nodded at this, but didn’t say anything. “He loves me, but how could he continue to feel that way for me if he sees me like this, sees me doubting him? What if it scares him off?”

“Well, then he’s not worth your time or your love,” Janus said very matter-of-factly, and Virgil whined aloud at this revelation. The sociology major sighed, his fingers twisting in the other’s hair a bit. “In all honesty, Vee, he won’t get scared off. He loves you, and he only wants to be there for you.”

-

“I’m here for you,” Janus said softly, sitting in the chair next to the main tattoo chair. It was Virgil’s 18th birthday, and he decided to celebrate by getting his first tattoo. Janus happily joined him, but Virgil was starting to get a bit nervous. “If you want to leave, we can, okay?”

“No. I need to do this,” Virgil had decided that once he turned 18, everything would change. And that started with doing something for himself that his parents would never want him to do. He laid on his stomach, holding Janus’ hand tightly as the tattoo artist did his job; a storm cloud on the back of his left hip. Virgil didn’t know what it was about that spot or that tattoo, only that after storm clouds, things get better. Rainbows come. He didn’t know when to expect his rainbow, but he hoped it would arrive soon.

A few months after the storm cloud tattoo, he got gauges in his ears to commemorate moving into the apartment with Janus. At the time, he thought that was his rainbow.

-

Roman was over at the apartment in record time. When he saw Janus’ name on the screen, at 4 in the morning, of course only the worst possible scenarios ran through his head. Roman had thought of every outcome before Janus could get out the words. Virgil was anxious about the play, about the characters the two of them had taken the roles of, and about the kiss scenes. And so Roman grabbed his coat and slipped into his sneakers, then ran the few blocks between apartments, all while in his pajamas.

When he arrived at the apartment, Janus was sitting at the dining table, his head in his hands, a mug of tea in front of him. “He was dozing off, but you should go in there,” he had said. Roman thought that Janus was going to fall asleep right there, but said nothing as he made his way into Virgil’s bedroom. 

And he was dozing off, back against the foot of the bed and legs curled up underneath him. Roman sat down next to him, pulling the taller man into his arms, pressing soft kisses to the unshaven face. “Hey, babe, talk to me. What’s going on?” Virgil’s eyes focused on Roman’s face, and then he crumpled, pressing his face into the other man’s shoulder. 

“I-I-I’m so weak, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Virgil hiccuped after saying these words, and Roman just rubbed circles on his back, waiting for the psychology major to elaborate. “I just, I can’t bear to see you kissing them, because what if you kiss them the same way as you kiss me and I’m not special and I mean nothing to you and–”

“Whoah, whoah! Okay, babe, you need to listen to me,” Roman took a deep breath before continuing. “You. Are. The. Most. Special. Person. In. The. World. Okay? I love you. So fucking much. And you know what? You mean everything to me,” his voice was firm and confident, and Virgil sniffled into his shoulder. “I give them pecks, that’s all, and before we had our first rehearsal I told them both that it would be nothing more than that because I’m with  _ you _ and no one else.”

“B-But what if I’m not good enough, and you hate me because I’m such a mess–” Virgil cut himself off, not wanting to continue the sentence. Roman’s voice was there again, though, grounding the anxious man.

“Virgil, can I kiss you? If you’re feeling too uneasy for that I won’t, but I want to show you how much you mean to me.” He made no movements, but Virgil pulled away from his shoulder and nodded, wiping the snot and tears off of his face with his jacket sleeve. Roman smiled a bit at this and then leaned in, pressing their lips together in much the same way as that day that they first kissed; sloppy, a little rushed, but so full of adoration and love.

“Roman, you’re my rainbow.”

-

Virgil and Roman sat on the edge of the stage, their hands linked as they listened to the director make announcements for the next week of rehearsals. They’d have the rest of that day off to rest, but then there would be full rehearsals the following three days, leading up to their final dress rehearsal and then opening night. 

Ever since the night (or late morning, depending on your view of time) that Roman came to comfort Virgil, they had been spending every night in Virgil’s bed, Roman comforting and holding his boyfriend close, talking him through anxiety attacks and running their lines until one (or both) of them dozed off.

The others had started to wonder if they should all move into one of the apartments and sell the others, but six guys and one bathroom was not an ideal situation. Logan had decided that he would try to locate a home with enough bedrooms and several restrooms for them to move into at the end of the term, but until then, everyone was spending most of their time with their partners.

That night, though, Roman and Virgil went back to the apartment that Roman lived in with Logan and Patton, because Roman needed to get some more clothes from his closet. He explained it to Virgil as “I’ve got to slay everyday”, and the taller man didn’t argue, even though he did wonder if Roman got tired of his constant black jeans, t-shirts, and hoodies. 

As they entered the building, they ran into Remy and Emile, who they hadn’t seen for several weeks due to how busy they all had been. Emile tried pulling Virgil in for a hug, but the tall man just shook his head, looking down to avoid seeing the upset look on the cartoon lover’s face.

“Virgil, are you studying for your exams properly? Grades are important if you want to get into the doctoral program someday,” Emile’s voice was cheerful, but it only made Virgil want to sink into the floor. “I could help you study next week if you’d like.”

“Uh… not next week. We have performances and rehearsals every day for the next two weeks, but… after that I could use some help, maybe,” Virgil’s voice was low, and Roman said nothing, but the two excused themselves to go up to the apartment. He wanted to say something, but Virgil just pulled him to the bedroom, passing Logan who was at the kitchen counter, working on assignments. 

When they got into the bedroom, Virgil flipped the lock and kissed Roman suddenly, roughly, albeit a bit awkwardly. Roman didn’t have time to protest, he eased into the embrace and kissed his boyfriend back with vigor, wrapping his arms around Virgil’s neck.

“Tonight?” Roman managed to get out between kisses, and Virgil nodded, his hands trailing to push Roman’s jacket off of his shoulders. The two had discussed taking their relationship to the next level… physically, that is… for a few days, and while Roman was eager for whenever it would be, Virgil was, of course, anxious about it. Roman decided to turn off the thinking part of his brain, though, and kissed down Virgil’s neck, unzipping the hoodie and pulling it off.

“Tonight. Now. We’re going to be so exhausted the next few weeks, and I don’t want to wait until we’re done with performances,” Virgil’s voice had taken on a husky tone, and Roman nodded, pushing the two over to the bed. They kissed on the bed, Roman straddling Virgil’s hips, for several minutes, Virgil trying to grind up into the touch. 

Roman pulled his own shirt off and then his hands dove under Virgil’s t-shirt, making the other flinch. He pulled his hands back, eyes full of concern as they met Virgil’s wide-blown pupils. “Virge? Are you okay?”

“I-I don’t know…” Virgil bit on his lower lip. He didn’t know why he was suddenly feeling his throat constrict at the thought of Roman pulling his shirt off; they’d made out topless in the past, and had been sharing a bed for several weeks. Maybe it was the knowledge that this moment was  _ different _ . Virgil had never done this before. “Roman, I’m… a virgin. I don’t know how to do this, I feel so nervous. I don’t know…”

“Hey, shhh,” Roman leaned down to kiss his cheek. “We can wait as long as you need, even if it’s weeks or months from now. I’m in no rush. I love where we are now, okay? Not doing this tonight won’t change how I feel about you.” At those words, Virgil felt a surge of emotion, and he wanted to say those words, he felt them bubbling up again, but they didn’t come out. He couldn’t say those words yet.

Roman slipped his shirt back on and moved up on the bed, arms open for Virgil. The two snuggled close for a while until they decided to change into their pajamas, and once they were under the covers, the lights out, Virgil let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

-

Virgil was standing in the cafe on campus, waiting for his order of an iced coffee for Roman and a caramel macchiato for himself, when he felt a hand clap onto his shoulder. He jumped, glancing over to see Emile’s bright and shining smile. “Please don’t startle me like that.”

“Sorry, kiddo. I was just excited to see you here! Remy works here, and he’s just about to get off of his shift, maybe you wanna go to dinner with–”

“I can’t. Rehearsals,” Virgil muttered watching as Emile’s smile fell. “I appreciate the offer, though.”

“I thought you were a psychology major, Virgil. Why are you spending so much time on something that you’re not going to pursue in the future?” Emile’s question surprised Virgil, who crossed his arms.

“I  _ am  _ a psychology major, but I’m also a theater minor. I love doing this stuff, please don’t judge me,” Virgil had had his fair share of doubts on the subject before. “I can focus on both.”

“I’m not saying that you can’t kiddo, it’s just… well, you seem distracted.” Virgil glared at Emile over these words.

“You don’t know me, please don’t start acting like you can see right through me with all of this. I’m not distracted. I’m focused.” Virgil said nothing more before grabbing the two drinks from the counter and heading out the door and towards the theater, where he knew Roman would be waiting with a kiss and a hug.

Was he distracted? Was Roman distracting him from his education? He had been performing well in his courses and rehearsals, he hadn’t missed any assignments. Virgil didn’t think that he could be distracted, but… theater had become something more important to him, and a big reason for that was Roman, his rainbow.

And he’d do anything to ensure that the rainbow stayed, because he didn’t know if he could bear the storm clouds returning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> teaser for part eight: of flowers and freeing words
> 
> It had all happened so quickly; from the moment they met, Patton was in it. Their first date was unlike any other he had ever had, because they both broke down their walls. And as they grew to know each other more, as they progressed physically and emotionally, Patton wanted more and more to believe that Remus was the one he was made for. That, perhaps, Patton Hart, in his mother’s womb all those years ago, was being crafted just so that he could be held tenderly by Remus Creative.
> 
> Part Eight will be posted on Sunday, August 30 at 12PM PDT. for updates visit vindicatedvirgil.tumblr.com


	8. of flowers and freeing words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton reflects on his relationship with Remus, his friendship with Logan, and just... everything.
> 
> TW: sexual innuendo (thanks, Remus), mention of hospital visit, mentions of cancer/chronic illness, VERY vague mentions of domestic abuse, vague mentions of sex

_ Like a river flows surely to the sea _

_ Darling, so it goes _

_ Some things are meant to be _

-

Patton wasn’t sure if he believed in fate. Sure, his mom would read him fairytales as a kid and he hoped that someday, he would find where he was meant to be. But he had worked hard to get where he was, taking care of his mom when she got sick, helping to run the flower shop all throughout high school and helping when he could now that he was in college. Everyone he had dated in the past always felt… like a background character, or one of those characters in video games that you only really deal with for one quest and then you don’t see them ever again. A part of his journey, yes, but not someone to join him on the rest of his journey.

And then he met Remus. Remus, who was so unlike anyone he had ever dated, who looked at Patton like he held all of the stars in his hands, who held him so gently after their moments of intimacy that Patton almost felt like a porcelain doll, so fragile, so ready to break in the hands of the person who he loved so dearly, as long as Remus was happy.

It had all happened so quickly; from the moment they met, Patton was in it. Their first date was unlike any other he had ever had, because they both broke down their walls. And as they grew to know each other more, as they progressed physically and emotionally, Patton wanted more and more to believe that Remus was the one he was made for. That, perhaps, Patton Hart, in his mother’s womb all those years ago, was being crafted just so that he could be held tenderly by Remus Creative. 

He didn’t want to lose that. He couldn’t bear the thought of it falling apart; perhaps that was why he reacted so negatively to what Roman did during the power outage. For the first time in his life, Patton had something that he was terrified to lose other than his mother, Logan, and the flower shop. And even though Roman was one of his best friends, maybe especially so, he couldn’t bear the idea that the theater major would get in the way of what was, in Patton’s mind, meant to be.

It haunted his every thought, though. When he curled in Remus’ arms, the fresh afterglow settling above both of them, when he sat in his child development classes, when he cut the stems off of the flowers in the shop, it was all he could think of: Roman’s letter. And now  _ he _ felt guilty for holding this grudge over him, but he didn’t know how to resolve things; until he realized that opening night of the musical was coming up.

-

“Hi, Mama,” Patton said, stepping into the flower shop, Remus in tow. “How are you today?” She swept him up into his arms, pressing kisses into his hair and on his cheeks.

“Much better now that you’re here, darling.” Her eyes fluttered over to Remus, who smiled, holding his hand out, but she pushed it aside and brought him into the hug as well. “Remus, you look very nice.” Remus glanced down at his outfit; he was wearing his dark green suit and had his hair brought back into a bun; it was the opening night of the play and they were making a quick stop before going to see it.

“Thank you, Ms. Hart.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek before stepping away to look at some roses, allowing time for Patton to explain what he needed.

“Yellow roses, Mama. For friendship,” he said thoughtfully, glancing at the vase he had dropped off with her the other day. “The usual fillers are good, though.” He fidgeted with the ends of his pink skirt a little bit. He had also dressed nicely; it was almost like he and Remus had decided to cosplay as Elphaba and Glinda. Patton wore white pumps, a white shirt with a sparkly bow tie was tucked into the skirt, and some sparkly tights. Remus had nearly dragged him into the bedroom when they met up at the apartment earlier. That would have to wait until later, though, because Patton didn’t want to miss a single moment of the musical. 

-

Patton cheered louder than anyone for Roman, even louder than Remus (which… seemed impossible, but he managed to do it). The only person who rivaled his deafening cries was Janus, who beamed with joy and proudness whenever Virgil was on stage. And even Logan had to brush a few tears from his eyes at the end of the musical, when the entire audience stood and cheered as soon as Roman stepped out into the curtain call.

After the curtain call ended, Janus, Logan, Remus, and Patton stood expectantly where they knew Virgil and Roman would be coming out. Janus held the bouquet for Virgil, and Patton had the one for Roman. They stood there for a while, watching as families and friends greeted the actors and then left, and soon it was quiet.

“Where are they?” Patton asked hesitantly, and he shared a worried look with Janus. “Do you think Virgil had another anxiety attack?”

“They’re probably just fucking,” Remus muttered, his hands snaking around Patton’s waist, leaning down to press his lips to his earlobe. “Exactly what I’ll be doing to you later tonight, little flower.”

“ _ Re _ !” Patton flushed hard, batting away Remus with his free hand. Janus smirked, a low chuckle escaping as he watched the encounter with the two. “You keep making moves like that and you’ll get nothing but a door in your face tonight.” Patton was teasing, of course, but Remus stepped back, a hand clapping on Logan’s shoulder as the two discussed a project they had in a mutual class.

Finally, Roman and Virgil stepped out of the green room, their hands intertwined. They were both cleaned of their makeup and costumes, and it occurred to them all that since the two were dressed in intricate costumes and makeup for the tin man and the scarecrow that it would take them a little bit longer to finish cleaning up. Janus moved first, scooping Virgil into a big hug, murmuring how proud he was and complimenting his work. Patton stepped up to Roman hesitantly, holding out the bouquet of flowers.

“You did amazing, Ro,” he said quietly, smiling up at his friend, whose eyes brimmed with tears. Roman took the vase with flowers, then set them on an empty table before hugging Patton tightly, sobbing into the smaller man’s shoulder. “Hey, shh, it’s alright. We’re okay, Ro.” As the two hugged tightly, he felt a pat on his shoulder, and glanced to see Logan, smiling brightly, but shaking his head, as if to say ‘you idiots, I love you.’

“Get in here, nerd,” Roman muttered before pulling the smartest of the three into their hug. Patton didn’t know how long the three stood there for, but when they pulled away, Janus was still hugging Virgil tight. Remus gave Roman a brief hug.

“Proud of you, bro. Though I still say the medieval play in high school was your best,” the mustached twin said, and a look of realization crossed Roman’s features.

“You… saw that play?” he asked, and Remus nodded, confused. “Mom and Dad said you didn’t want to go.”

“I sat in the back corner, but I was so proud of you, Bro-man.” Remus smirked at the nickname he had used in the past for his brother, and Roman laughed, pulling his twin in for another hug. “You did awesome tonight.” Patton apparently had snapped a photo of the pair hugging with his polaroid camera, and thus entered the struggle over who would get to put it on the fridge.

Janus won that fight.

-

Patton sat alone at one of the tables in the schoolyard, his brown paper bag full of goodies that his mom made sure to include. It was scary, starting in a new school halfway through the year, and all of the other kids made fun of the flowers he brought in for his new teacher. Then they made fun of him for wearing a pink sweater, for his big round glasses, and for having long hair that his mom had put into a bun for him that morning before he got on the bus.

So, there he was, second grade, sitting all alone. He didn’t mind, because he knew that when he got home, he’d see his mom, and they’d be safe.

“What are you doing?” A voice said from beside him. He looked up to see a boy with square glasses, neatly combed hair, a polo shirt, and a tie. Patton remembered him as the boy who answered all of the questions during the science part of their class. “This is my table.”

“O-Oh… I’m sorry. I just… didn’t have anywhere else to sit.” Patton looked down, trying to hold in his tears. He didn’t want to be known as the kid who cried on his first day at the school, and his mom always knew when he’d been crying. “I’m s-so sorry…” The other boy sighed, sliding into the seat across from him and setting a book down.

“It’s fine, just stay quiet so I can read, okay Patton Hart?” he asked, and Patton looked up at him through teary eyes.

“Y-You know my name?” His voice was shaky, and he slid his glasses up to sit in his hair so he could wipe his tears with the sleeve of his sweater. The other boy nodded.

“You’re the new kid. You have a frog backpack and a notebook with a kitten on it,” the boy said matter-of-factly. “A little bit frivolous, but if it’s what you enjoy, then there is no harm there.”

“Fribolous?” Patton asked, giggling. “You use a lot of big words.” The other boy sighed again, adjusting his glasses.

“Yes. Frivolous. F-R-I-V-O-L-O-U-S. It’s something that does not have any serious purpose or value,” he explained, and Patton nodded, face deep in thought.

“You know that underwater sea animal, porpoise?”

“I am aware of them, yes. Why do you ask?” he asked, and Patton giggled, having thought of the perfect pun.

“So… if I put a  _ porpoise  _ with serious guy glasses and a tie on my notebook… would it stop being fribolous?” He giggled all the way through his joke, and the other boy groaned.

“That was… awful. Why did you do that?”

“I thought it would be funny,” Patton said, sinking down a little. “D-Do you not like jokes?” He thought about his father, who never made any jokes around him. Who glared at Patton whenever the jokes came out of the small boy.

“I do not think that they lead to important discussions, is all,” he explained, and Patton nodded, taking a bite of his sandwich. Then realization struck.

“What’s your name?”

“Oh. I’m Logan Crofters.”

-

As the weeks passed, Patton stayed sitting at Logan’s table, dishing out puns whenever necessary but mostly asking Logan about different kinds of science-related things. He liked the way that Logan explained things; he made a lot more sense than their teacher, sometimes.

“Am I bothering you?” Patton asked one day. He had slid over his grapes to Logan, who was munching on them between reading paragraphs from a book about frogs. 

“What?”

“Am I annoying?”

“No, Patton. you’re not annoying.” Logan seemed a bit exasperated with the question, but he answered it anyway.

“Are we friends?” Patton’s eyes were focused on Logan, it had been so long since he had a friend that wasn’t his mom or one of his many stuffed animals.

“Oh. Um… I don’t know. I’ve never had a friend before.” Logan’s response was curt, and Patton’s jaw dropped.

“What!?” He jumped up from where he was sitting, then ran over to sit next to Logan. “Can I be your best friend, then??”

“Um. Sure?”

“Yay!” He wrapped his arms around Logan tightly.

-

Logan ran into the waiting room of the hospital, finding Patton sitting on a chair, his head in his hands. He approached him quickly, a hand instinctively going to his best friend’s back. “I got here as soon as I could, is she okay?”

“She collapsed, Lo. I just… She went into the back to rinse off the new roses, and when I went to check on her… she was on the ground.” Patton leaned into Logan’s shoulder, tears staining the polo shirt he was wearing. “The doctors say... it might have come back, but they’re running tests.”

“She’s in good hands, Pat. I’m going to text my parents and let them know that I’ll be here with you until she goes home, okay? And then I can be there for you.” Logan’s phone was in his hand, and he sent a quick text.

“Tell me something logical, please,” Patton whispered once the two were seated together, hands twisted together, Patton’s head on Logan’s shoulder.

“Are you sure?” he asked, and just got a nod in return. “Well… logically speaking, a bee should not be physically able to fly–”

“Lo!” Patton was giggling, his grip tightening on Logan’s hand. “You know me so well. Thank you.”

-

The morning after opening night of the musical, Patton entered the apartment, yawning. He didn’t get much sleep thanks to Remus, and he was hoping to take a nap before delving into studying for his final exams. When he entered the apartment, he found Logan sitting at the kitchen table, papers spread out in front of him.

“Hey, Lo. No Janus?” he asked, glancing around. Logan shook his head.

“He went home a while ago. Roman and Virgil are still in bed, though,” he explained, stretching his arms up. “Did you have a good time with Remus last night?” Patton’s face reddened at the question, and he nodded. “Does Hannah like him?”

It still caught Patton off guard whenever Logan referred to his mom by her first name, but they had been friends for almost fifteen years, so of course it made sense. Logan could call her mom, too, if he wanted to. He was there whenever Patton needed him, whenever she had a doctor’s appointment that Patton couldn’t drive her to because someone needed to look after the store.

Patton wondered why Logan did all of this. Sometimes he thought back to that time when he asked him if they were friends, all the way back when they were first getting to know each other. And Patton, little Patton, just… proclaimed them as best friends. Did he shoehorn Logan into their friendship so that he could never branch out?

No, that couldn’t be true, because Logan joined debate and chess and academic decathlon in high school, but still spent all of his free time with Patton. And even once Roman and Janus and now Virgil and Remus entered their lives, he still regarded Patton as one of his best friends.

“Hey, you look like you’re having some troubling thoughts, Patton. Want to talk about them?” Logan’s voice was pulling him back into the present, and he nodded, sitting on one of the stools. He was quiet for a bit, though, and Logan kept writing some notes down until Patton finally started talking again.

“Are you just my best friend out of convenience? Because I claimed you so early on and never really had any other friends? Do you just… stay my friend out of pity?” Patton was looking down until he felt Logan’s hand on his back, and then a laugh came from the usually stoic man.

“Patton, you’re my best friend because everyone else is annoying. If I didn’t want to be your friend I wouldn’t be, you’re a lot to deal with but I’ve been dealing with you for fifteen years and I plan on dealing with you for many more.” Logan’s voice was serious, and Patton could tell that he meant what he was saying. He leaned into Logan, wrapping his arms around his best friend.

“Thanks, Lo. Love ya.”

“Love you too, Pat.”

-

Patton’s arm burned, but in a good way. Underneath the plastic he could see the vibrant colors of his very first tattoo, his mother’s favorite flower and a bee sitting on its petals, to remind him of Logan. He didn’t tell anyone that he was getting it, not even Logan, so when he got home to find Logan sitting at the kitchen table doing homework while talking to his mom, he was surprised.

“Lo? What are you doing here?” he asked, putting his arm behind his back so neither of them could see. He kissed his mother on the cheek before sitting on one of the chairs beside them.

“I came by to study but Hannah said that you went out for something,” Logan explained, pushing his glasses up further on his nose.

“What did you do, baby?” his mother asked, glancing at him carefully. He was still hiding his arm, but he smiled and brought it out, settling it on the table.

“I uh, I got a tattoo, Mama,” Patton said hesitantly. She looked at it carefully, smiling a little bit. “A sunflower. Your favorite.” Logan eyed the tattoo as well, nodding in understanding. “To celebrate you beating the cancer again.”

“Patton, will you take me to get a tattoo?” Logan’s voice was there suddenly, and the two Harts looked at him with surprised expressions.

“Lo, you… want a tattoo?”

“I want to get a constellation tattooed on my shoulder. The one that was in the sky on the day we became best friends.”

-

Patton leaned into Remus’ side, the taller man’s arm wrapped around his shoulders. They were at the cafe, the others having gone home long ago to study or sleep, but the couple stayed long after, chatting with Remy whenever he brought them over refills on their drinks or small pastries. Remus’ grip got a little tighter around Patton each time he shone his signature bright smile at the barista, earning a soft thigh squeeze from the smaller man and a kiss on the cheek. Maybe that was why he did it; not because he was worried about Patton flirting, but because his boyfriend always comforted him with those delicate touches and sweet kisses. 

The bell above the door to the cafe rang gently as a few men stepped in. Remus glanced out of the corner of his eye at them, and he thought his heart would stop. “Shit,” he muttered, looking down, earning a confused squeak from Patton. “Shit, we need to go. Right now.” Patton glanced over at the group of men, all dressed in leather, covered in tattoos and piercings, evil smirks on their faces as they noticed Remus.

“Do you know them?” Patton asked softly, and Remus buried his face into the other’s shoulder, a small note of truth escaping his mouth. “Are they…?” He didn’t need to finish the sentence. Patton wasn’t a fool; he could tell by Remus’ body language and the way he tensed up that this was the group of boys he had spent time with in high school. “I’ll go pay our tab, will you be okay?” Remus said nothing but gripped onto Patton tighter, shaking his head.

“Remus Creative,” one of the voices said, dark and gritty, and Remus cringed, looking up at him.  _ Him _ . “Looks like you found yourself a precious pansy, hm?”

“Fuck off,” his voice was weak, trembling, and the memories of those eyes tore through him. 

“Aw, don’t worry,  _ kitten _ , he’ll tire of you soon enough and you won’t have to deal with his voices and crude comments,” another one said, and Patton considered lunging at him, but held back, because Remus was trembling beside him. 

“Everything alright, babes?” Remy was there, thank god, and Patton smiled sweetly at him, taking his debit card out of his pocket.

“Can we pay off our tab, please, Remy? We have to get going,” Patton said, his eyes flickering from the barista to the men, and a wave of understanding seemed to cross Remy’s face, who nodded and took the card, going back to the counter speedily.

“Running away again, Remus?” That voice asked again, and the mustached man shuddered, unable to look away from the grimace on  _ his _ face. “You were always so good at that.” Patton’s frown deepened, and he glared at the man. “Aw, are you going to try to defend him, little kitten? Trying to be so cool with those floral tattoos–”

“I TOLD YOU TO FUCK OFF!” Remus was standing, his fists clenched, glaring at the men. Patton scrambled to his feet, a hand gripping the back of Remus’ jacket. Remy reappeared, handing the debit card to Patton, placing himself between Remus and the group of men.

“Alright, boys. Get out. You’re not welcome here if you’re going to torment some of my best customers.” His voice was firm, and they all glanced at the ‘Manager’ title on his name tag. “I don’t want to have to call the authorities.  _ Get. Out. _ ” The group scrambled out the door, the bell clanging almost annoying to the three, and Patton’s arms were around Remus.

“Hey, you okay, babe?” he asked, feeling his taller boyfriend shaking, his head low. “Shh, it’s okay, everything is okay, we’re okay.”

“Are you babes gonna be okay?” Remy asked, still standing there, arms crossed as he watched the group of men outside in deep discussion. 

“Thank you, Remy,” Remus finally spoke, his voice still low. “If you hadn’t stepped in… I might have done something I’d regret.” Remy smiled, setting a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, no one messes with my babes like that,” he said before going back to behind the counter. Patton’s lips were against Remus’ cheek, grounding him.

“Let’s go, Re.”

-

Remus woke up, feeling Patton’s arms around him loosely. The smaller man was snoring softly, and Remus smiled, carding his fingers through the fading pink hair. When they got back to his bedroom last night, he needed to be grounded, and Patton was there, being gentle and soft, his hands and lips all over his body until Remus felt relaxed enough to fall asleep. 

Patton groaned a bit in his sleep, stretching his arms and legs, his eyes fluttering open to meet Remus’. “Hi,” he said softly, his voice heavy with sleepiness.  
“Morning, little flower,” Remus said, leaning down to press a stinky-mouthed kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. “Thank you for last night.”

“Oh. Of course, honey. Anything for you,” he said quietly, but Remus could tell something was on his mind. “What did they mean by… you tiring of me, or running away?”

“Before you… I never really had a… committed partner. I’d run at the first hint that things were getting serious, when they said  _ those  _ words, I ran,” Remus explained, looking down. “But… that’s not going to happen with you, Patton. You mean so much to me, you’re… everything to me.”

“Everything?” Patton asked, a smile appearing on his face, his lips pressing to Remus’ cheek and then his neck.

“Patton,” he started, his heartbeat speeding up, and he wondered if the other could hear it because soft blue eyes met his green ones. “I love you.” Patton blinked, absorbing the knowledge, and then his arms were around Remus’ neck, their lips pressing together joyously. 

“I love you too, Remus.”

Remus smiled into the kiss. He wasn’t afraid anymore. Patton was there, he was with him, and everything was good. And if things came up, they’d work through them together. They were a team, and they always would be. He kept repeating those words between kisses, the weight from his mouth lifted, and he wished he could have said those words to Patton weeks ago, because it felt  _ so  _ right to say them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> teaser for part nine: and the dark one is soft for the sunshine one
> 
> Roman wanted to object, but he knew that Virgil would just remind him of their nights practicing for the auditions, their super early mornings running lines, the way Roman was always there to watch Virgil’s scenes. Virgil was there too, always supporting, always smiling, even when his anxiety got the best of him, even when it was hard to focus.
> 
> part nine will be (hopefully) posted on Sunday, September 6 at 12PM PDT. for updates visit vindicatedvirgil.tumblr.com


	9. and the dark one is soft for the sunshine one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Roman celebrate the end of their performances, and look ahead to the future.
> 
> TW: vague mentions of sex, mentions of anxiety attack, random OCs thrown in because my brain wanted to include lesbians in this for some reason

_ So take my hand _

_ And take my whole life too _

_ ‘Cause I can't help falling in love with you _

-

Virgil tapped his foot nervously, his phone to his ear. He was seated in the cafe, waiting for Roman to meet him after class. Except his boyfriend wasn’t answering his phone, and, of course, Virgil was only thinking of the worst possible scenarios. He set his phone down hastily, staring at the mug with his chai latte in front of him. A chime rang through on his phone, signaling a text from Roman, and Virgil glanced at it.

_ Hey babe, sorry, doing extra rehearsals with Megan and Chloe. Rain check? _

Virgil sighed, shooting back a simple ‘ _ Okay _ ’ message, then stuffed his phone into his pocket, grabbing for his latte. This was the second time that week that Roman had skipped out on their coffee dates for extra rehearsals with the main actresses, which made sense since opening night was only two days away, but… it still made Virgil feel uneasy. 

Someone slid into the chair opposite him, and he glared up only to see Emile, a concerned look on his face as he held his mug of coffee close. “Hey, you alright kiddo?”

“Emile, not now, please…” Virgil started, his head drooping down. “I’m really not in the mood for one of your ‘pep talks’ right now.”

“Well… then I won’t give ya one. But hey, sometimes it's good to just… chat, ya know?” Emile’s voice was soft, inviting, but Virgil was still unsure. “Sometimes it’s nice to have an impartial audience.”

“You mean like a therapist, right?” Virgil’s voice was almost insulting. He'd been to therapy before, it helped him, but he was so busy with school that he didn't have time to stop by to see them, or even to go to the campus counseling center.

“Sometimes. But I’m kind of impartial here, and I’ll remain so… unlike last time,” Emile took a deep breath in. “I  _ am _ sorry about that, kiddo. I didn't mean to insult you or make you upset.”

“Well, you did. Because you're wrong. I’m focusing on the things that are important to me right now, like the musical and school and Roman…” Virgil trailed off, remembering where his boyfriend was at that moment.  _ Not _ with him. Emile raised an eyebrow at him, taking a sip of his coffee. “It’s just… stressful, right now.” Virgil started, enticed at the idea of someone who was willing to listen to him, to offer him advice. And he decided to take that opportunity.

\---

Virgil and Emile had migrated to one of the couches in the cafe, the tall man’s legs tucked under himself as he cradled a cup of herbal tea, one that Remy had brought over with raised eyebrows and a smile on his face. Virgil had opened up to Emile in a way he desperately needed, but he also got advice from the older man about his future in the psychology major, about internships he knew would be made available the following summer, about how best to balance a relationship and school. Virgil was grateful for this, and he felt a bit guilty for the way he had treated Emile in the past. 

“Oh, hang on,” Virgil said, interrupting what Emile was saying about the benefits of different teas, his phone buzzing in his pocket. Roman’s name was large on the screen, and he accepted the call, pressing the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“Hey, babe. I just came by your apartment but Janus says you haven’t come home yet today… is everything alright?” Roman’s voice was laced with concern, and he could hear the familiar sounds of Janus’ jazz music playing in the background.

“Oh, yeah. I’m great, Ro. I ran into Emile at the cafe and we’ve been chatting for a bit,” he explained, and he heard a sharp intake of breath from the other line. “I was planning on heading back to my apartment soon, though. Big day tomorrow, our final dress rehearsal. You should head home to sleep.”

“But… I wanted to see you,” Roman started, and Virgil shot an apologetic look at Emile. “I’ll be here when you get back, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll see you soon, then,” he said, about to hang up, but Roman’s voice cut through again.

“I love you,” he said, and Virgil smiled, his heart fluttering, but he said nothing as Roman ended the call. The anxious man brought his phone back down, glancing at Emile.

“I’ve gotta get going, but… thank you, Emile. I really appreciate you talking with me,” he said, smiling, and Emile reached into his messenger bag, then handed Virgil a card.

“If you need me, my cell is on there,” Emile said, reaching over to ruffle Virgil’s hair a bit. “You got this, kid.”

\---

Virgil swung open the door to the apartment, the jazz music a dull background noise. He spotted Roman on one of the couches, his head resting on the cushions behind him, so Virgil came up and gave him a swift kiss. “Hey, Ro.” The shorter man beamed up at him, standing up so he could wrap his arms around his boyfriend. “I wasn’t planning on staying at the cafe that long, but… it was good to chat with Emile about psychology stuff.”

“Well… I’m glad that you had that chance, babe,” Roman said, kissing Virgil’s chin and cheeks. “I’m so sorry about missing out on our date again, Megan and Chloe were both feeling anxious about some of the scenes, and they’re scenes I’m in, so…”

“It’s okay, Ro. I’m not upset,” Virgil started, but he thought a bit. “Anymore, that is. I was frustrated when I got your text, but Emile helped me realize that I’m not the only important thing to you right now and that sometimes it’s good for me to let go a bit.”

“What? No, that’s not true, Vee,” Roman whined, tightening his grip on Virgil. “You’re the most important thing to me, always! Please, don’t let go.”

“Ro, it’s okay. The musical is really important to both of us, it’s fine-” Virgil was cut off by Roman’s lips pressing to his needily, and all rational thought flew out of his mind as he gripped at the back of Roman’s shirt tightly. “Shit, if you keep kissing me like that, I’ll…”

“You’ll what, babe? Want more?” Roman teased, a smirk playing at the edge of his lips. “You mean everything to me, babe. If you needed me to, I’d drop out of the musical right now. If you have a panic attack during the performances, I’ll shove my understudy out there, just so that I can be there for you.”

“Ro…” Virgil buried his face in the shorter man’s shoulder, biting down on his lip and hoping that the tears would stay in his eyes. “Don’t say stuff like that, unless you want me to become a puddle of emotions.”

“Maybe I do want that, Virge.”

\---

Roman woke up feeling more content than he ever had; he glanced up to see Virgil’s sleeping face, their bare chests still pressed together, the marks on their bodies remnants of what had happened the night prior. It was fumbly, it was awkward, but Roman wouldn’t change it for the world. 

He traced his fingers along Virgil’s collarbone, watching as the other’s eyes slowly fluttered open, meeting his, a blush soon covering the tall man’s face and neck. “Hi, Ro.”

“Good morning, my love,” Roman said, pressing kisses to the skin closest to his face. Virgil hummed happily at the movement, his fingers tangling in Roman’s hair.

“Thank you for last night,” Virgil breathed out softly, a faint smile on his face. “Sorry about-”

“No, don’t apologize for anything, babe. It was magical, and wonderful, and I can’t wait to do it again.” Roman waggled his eyebrows a little bit at this, making Virgil laugh a little. “I almost don’t want to get out of bed, but… we should get ready and then pick up some coffee, then head over to the theater.”

“But the dress rehearsal doesn’t start until 11,” Virgil protested, hoping that maybe they’d be able to spend a bit more time in bed; He glanced at the clock. A glaring, red 8:30 stared back at him. Roman nodded.

“I know. But I have a surprise for you, my love.”

\---

Virgil held his iced coffee tightly as he followed Roman to the theater. He  _ hated _ surprises, and even though this was something that his boyfriend had planned for him… he was still anxious about it all. Was Roman going to break up with him in the same place where they had fallen in love?

Roman made Virgil cover his eyes with his hand after they set their stuff down in the green room, and then with one hand he led the taller man onto the main stage. Virgil didn’t hear anything other than his own heart beating rapidly and the soft coos coming from Roman, but he was stopped on what he assumed was the middle of the stage. Was it above the trap door? Was he being pranked? Was there water on the stage?

And then the instrumental to  _ Dancing through Life _ was playing throughout the theater, the same way it had the day that he had scooped Roman into his arms as they danced together for the first time. Virgil lowered his hand from his face, finding Roman standing there, his hand outstretched, a grin plastered on his face.

“Take my hand?” Roman asked, and Virgil nodded gently, taking Roman’s hand and letting himself be led in a dance across the stage, although this time they weren’t afraid to stand as close as possible to each other. “I want you to know how proud I am of you, Virge. You’re going to do so great in our performances, and I love you so goddamn much.”

“Ro…” Virgil couldn’t form any words, so he just pressed his forehead to Roman’s as they continued cascading across the stage, their grips on each other tight, as if letting go would break them. “What did I do to deserve someone like you loving me?”

“You didn’t need to do anything. You deserve the whole world, and I’m just lucky to be able to love you and hold you,” Roman whispered softly, pressing even closer to Virgil.

“I already have the whole world. It’s you,” Virgil said, the confidence growing in him, and he could feel the words tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them: “I love you, Roman.” No other words were said, as lips crashed together, all emotions being shared in that one touch.

\---

Roman and Virgil were standing offstage, peeking every now and then around the corner at the audience. It was finally opening night, and they could see their friends in the second row, Patton’s head resting on Remus’ shoulder, Janus leaning over to whisper things to Logan. 

Roman set his hand on Virgil’s back in a comforting manner, causing the taller man to turn around to smile at his shorter boyfriend. “You alright, Vee?” Virgil nodded, glancing down at his slip-resistant shoes, then leaned down to kiss Roman. 

“I’m perfect, Ro. I couldn’t have done any of this without you, you know?” He pressed their foreheads together, smiling against Roman’s painted lips. “Thank you for supporting me through all of this.” 

Roman wanted to object, but he knew that Virgil would just remind him of their nights practicing for the auditions, their  _ super early _ mornings running lines, the way Roman was always there to watch Virgil’s scenes. Virgil was there too, always supporting, always smiling, even when his anxiety got the best of him, even when it was hard to focus.

“You’re gonna be amazing, Virgil,” he finally said, pressing their lips together once more. “You deserve a whole standing ovation.”

After every scene, even though time was tight, their hands grasped each other, bright smiles sent their way and encouraging whispers were murmured in the darkness. During intermission, Roman’s hands couldn’t bear to leave Virgil’s waist, even as they were both prepped for their major outfit changes.

Virgil watched all of the kiss scenes, knowing that Roman saved the best kisses for him. When they were on stage together during curtain call, Virgil cheered louder for his boyfriend except for maybe Patton and Janus, who could clearly be heard from their seats.

It took the pair a while to get their thick patinas of makeup off of their faces, shrugging out of their costumes and into their comfortable day clothes, lips and hands wandering when no one was paying the couple any attention. The other actors filed out to meet their loved ones, even those with more intense makeup like the actress for Elphaba finished before them as they snuck behind a curtain, comforting touches meeting hot, bare skin.

The others tried to get the couple to go out after the performance, since the cast had saved the after party for after the final performances, but Virgil’s eyes drooped and Janus stepped in, making sure the pair were safely tucked into Roman’s bed, Janus covering his eyes when the couple’s hands wandered too far down.

\---

“Ro, you and Virgil are coming to the cast party later, right?” Chloe was wiping off the Glinda makeup, her eyes tired but content. All of the performances had gone on without a hitch, and now they were done. It was an odd feeling, something that they had all been working so hard towards for months, finally coming to an end. 

“Yeah, we’re going to stop by for a bit, right babe?” Roman had already wiped his makeup off and was helping hold Virgil’s hair back as the silver paint was removed from the anxious man’s face. Virgil nodded, not saying anything as he wiped over his mouth. “You finally going to make a move on Megan?”

“I- Ro!” Chloe’s face turned bright red, and Virgil raised an eyebrow at the two. 

“Well, now I feel better about the fact that you two kissed my boyfriend,” Virgil muttered teasingly, and then they all stiffened as Megan came around the corner, humming the tune to  _ Defying Gravity _ , the green paint removed from her body for the final time.

“Please, your boyfriend can kiss you all he likes, I felt nothing from him,” she said, her voice a bit strained. “Ugh, I need more tea.”

“I just heated up some water in the green room,” someone else said, walking past, and she groaned out a quick thanks, running off. As soon as she was out of earshot, Chloe smacked Roman on the shoulder.

“I  _ cannot _ believe you!” she whined, pouting a little. “What if she heard you?”

“So? You wanna be with her, so you should go for it. Like I did with Virge.” Roman said, smirking, but Virgil glanced over his shoulder again, raising an eyebrow at his boyfriend.

“Excuse me, I was the one who initiated our audition practices and our first dance,” he pointed out, and Roman scoffed.

“Yeah, well!” he huffed, crossing his arms, “I kissed you first!” Chloe rolled her eyes, knowing this would take a while, and walked off, letting the couple continue their bickering.

\---  
Virgil wasn’t exactly sure how he ended up perched on a tree branch, but he didn’t mind. It was nice and cool outside, the music from inside bleeding out into the backyard of the director’s house where the staff party was being held. He had Roman’s coat around his shoulders and was watching as Chloe and Megan sat on a bench near a different tree, talking in low whispers, Chloe’s hand trailing onto Megan’s thigh, their shy smiles and blushes visible even though the only light was the moon and some fairy lights.

Virgil had sent Roman in to socialize; it was his thing, anyways, and not really Virgil’s cup of tea. Every once in a while Roman would peek his head out of one of the sliding doors, and Virgil would shoot him a sweet smile and a thumbs up. 

He glanced down at his phone, checking the time, then shoved the tech back into his pocket, swinging his legs a bit. He heard giggles from the pair of girls, so he redirected his attention to them, only to notice them kissing, Megan’s hands tangled in Chloe’s short blonde hair. Virgil smiled, eyes closing as he leaned his head onto the main trunk of the tree, memories flooding him of his first kiss with Roman, and the many kisses they had shared since that day.

It surprised him that it had only been eight weeks since they got the roles in the play, and now it was all over. Virgil was already thinking ahead to the next production; performing was a bit much for him, so he knew he’d be working as a tech in the Winter and Spring productions. But he also knew it was time to start figuring out how he wanted to use his psychology degree.

He was a year older than Roman, and he’d be graduating in less than two years. Emile had suggested some summer internships, emailed him the applications, and Virgil knew it would be the next logical step to apply and try to get those spots. He had professors he could get recommendations from and Emile was a face that many in the area were familiar with.

His whole life was around the corner. Except all he wanted to do was storm into the house, grab Roman by the collar, and kiss him into oblivion. 

He didn’t do that, of course. He stayed on the branch, deep in thought, and eventually, he felt hands on his thighs and lips ghosting over his own. “C’mon, babe. Let’s get you home before you fall asleep and take a tumble out of that tree, hmm?”

“Ro?” he asked as the two were walking home, their hands intertwined.

“Hmm?” Roman was humming, his hands swinging childishly, and he glanced over at Virgil, a smile on his face.

“Do you ever think about the future?” Virgil asked, shocking himself with his tenacity. Roman looked surprised, too, but let Virgil finish his thought. “It’s just… do I want to be a therapist? Become a psychologist? I don’t know what I want to do with my degree, but I know I want to help people.” He sighed, but Roman squeezed his hand gently.

“I think it’s okay not to know, Virge. People like Logan and Patton have their whole lives planned out, but I mean… I don’t,” he admitted, and Virgil raised an eyebrow. “Like, yes. I want to act and perform, but it’s so hard to be successful. If I only ever do community performances I’ll be happy, but… I’ll have to figure something else out to be able to afford to live, you know?”

“...I could support you,” Virgil muttered, face turning red, and he silently hoped that Roman didn’t hear what he said. He was not so lucky, though.

“Oh. Well,” Roman cleared his throat. They hadn’t talked much about their future  _ together _ , but both had hopes that they’d continue to be together. “That’s a lot to ask of you, but I’d appreciate all of the love and support you’d give me, if that’s… what you want.”

“I do want that,” Virgil slowed to a stop, the pair standing under a streetlight, and Roman looked up into his boyfriend’s eyes. “If you want to be this incredible community star, then I’ll support all of it. If you end up on Broadway, travelling the world, then I can support that too.”

“What about you, then?” Roman asked, his hand pressing over Virgil’s heart as the two stood closer, their breath visible in the cool air. Virgil shrugged, smiling.

“I can help people anywhere. But there’s only one you, Ro.”

\---

Roman was taking the steps down two at a time, and when he looked up he saw Emile standing at the entrance of the building. He hesitated, but then decided to chat with the older man. “Hey, Picani.”

“Hi Roman! I saw one of your performances, you did wonderfully!” Emile said, a bright smile blending across his features.

“Oh, thank you,” Roman rubbed the back of his neck, smiling a bit sheepishly. “I just uh… wanted to thank you. For being a good mentor to Virgil.”

“No thanks necessary. I’m happy to help,” Emile responded, then he pursed his lips in thought. “Has he heard back from the internship application yet?”

“Huh? Oh… uh, no. I guess he’ll be hearing back after finals,” Roman said, then he glanced at his watch. “I should get going, I have a final, but thank you again.”

“Sure thing, kiddo.”

\---

Virgil was running up the steps to Roman’s apartment when he heard a call from behind him. He stopped, glancing down to see Emile waving up at him. “Hey, Virgil! I saw the musical, you did great!!” he called, and Virgil smiled, nodding.

“Thanks, Emile.” He continued his run up the stairs, then knocked on the door once, before it was opened by Roman. He practically flung himself into his boyfriend’s arms. “Ro, guess what?”

“What is it, my love?” Roman asked, a chuckle behind his cheerful voice.

“I got the internship for next summer that I applied for! I get to be an assistant on a psychological trial!” he exclaimed, pulling back so Roman could see the bright smile on his face. “It’s a paid internship, too!”

“Oh, I’m so happy for you! Congratulations!” Roman responded happily, leaning up to capture Virgil’s lips in his own. “We should go out and celebrate!”

“I have something else in mind,” Virgil said, a smirk on his face as he pulled Roman past all of the moving boxes and towards his boyfriend’s bedroom.

The future wouldn’t be so scary as long as they had each other’s hands to hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next week will be the final installment of this AU!  
> part ten: so it goes (& an epilogue) will be posted on Sunday, September 13 at 12PM PDT!  
> thank you all for your support throughout this whole journey!


	10. so it goes (& an epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end…?  
> TW: vague mentions of sex

_ Like a river flows so surely to the sea _

_ Oh my darling, so it goes _

_ Some things are meant to be _

_ So won’t you please just take my hand _

_ And take my whole life too _

_ ‘Cause I can't help falling in love _

_ In love with you _

-

Janus and Logan sat in their usual booth in the cafe, their usual tea orders in front of them as Remy brought over some scones. Janus’ hand was on Logan’s thigh, trying to comfort and protect, though there was nothing to protect his partner from at this moment. Finals were done and over with, and they’d all be moving into a house together in a few weeks.

As soon as Janus had stepped through the door of the house, he knew it was the place for all of them to continue their journeys together in. It had ample space for all of them; one bedroom and ensuite on the first floor and two bedrooms with ensuites on the second. Also on the bottom floor there was a large kitchen, formal dining room, and half bathroom. And it was perfect.

Logan’s voice was calling him back to reality, asking about where they’d spend the night, but Janus couldn’t think about that; there was so much to be done. So many memories to pack up. Janus let himself be taken home by Logan, let himself be laid back onto the bed so that all of his stresses could be swiped away with gentle touches from his partner.

-

Virgil stood in his doorway, looking in at all of the boxes. This was the apartment that he and Janus had moved into right after high school, and now they’d be leaving it. It was the first place that ever really felt like home, especially once Remus was thrown into the mix. But it was the right move for all of them, as each grew more serious with their partners. Janus came up beside him, and the taller man wrapped an arm around his best friend. 

“You okay?” Janus’ voice was smooth, comforting, as it always was, and Virgil just nodded, glancing around at what was left. “This is a good thing, V.”

“I know. It’s just… this was my first home, really. The first place I felt safe,” he said quietly, and Janus leaned his head against Virgil. “I’m nervous about what the future holds.”

“Yeah. Me, too,” Janus responded, then sighed. “I know you’re probably wondering if all of this is the right decision, if this is all going to work out,” he said, and Virgil shrugged, but Janus saw through the movement. “It’s okay if it doesn’t work out in the end, but I have a feeling that it will, and that you’ll be surprised by how well everything fits together.”

-

Virgil glanced around at the room. A perfect mixture of his interests and style with Roman’s. Emo theater. It was perfect. 

Roman snaked his arms around Virgil’s back, pressing his face into the back of Virgil’s shirt. “You okay, my stormcloud?”

“Yeah, Ro. I’m just… happy,” he responded. And he meant it; as he turned around to capture Roman’s lips in his own, for the first time in that bedroom (but certainly not the last), he knew that Janus was right. Everything had fit together as it needed to. The future was an inevitable part of life, and it’s hard to know what’s to come from tomorrow or next year, but Virgil knew that the path forward was one he’d take with Roman by his side, whatever happened.

He was about to move his boyfriend to the bed when the door swung open, revealing Remus with an empty beer bottle. “Truth or dare time!!” The couple tried to conceal their groans of disappointment, but followed Remus down the stairs anyways, to where things had been moved out of the way. Logan, Janus, and Patton were already seated in a half-circle, and so the other three completed that circle, Remus placing the bottle in the middle.

“Same rules as last time?” Logan asked, adjusting his glasses. Remus nodded, then spun the bottle, watching as it landed on Janus. 

“Truth or dare?” Remus asked, waggling his eyebrows at the man in the hat. Janus pursed his lips in thought for a moment, then asked for a truth. “What’s your favorite body part of Logan’s, and why?”

“His hair,” Janus answered swiftly, and then he blinked at his own answer. He turned a bit red, then continued, “I like… tugging it.”

“Well, looks like I won’t be cutting it anytime soon,” Logan murmured, and Remus cackled, watching as Janus leaned forward to spin the bottle.

The game continued on like that for a while, dares more obviously pointed towards couples and truths trying to expose secrets that others were often curious about. Patton spun the bottle, and it landed on Virgil, who asked for a truth.

“Do you picture a future with Roman? What is that future like?” He asked, and Virgil hesitated. They’d had vague conversations about the future, like the one under the streetlight, but he had never explicitly told Roman what he wanted from their lives together. Virgil spent so long thinking about his answer that Remus cleared his throat.

“Oh, sorry,” Virgil said, pulling himself out of his own mind space. “I do, yeah… it’s mostly just us being together, supporting each other.”

“Marriage?” Patton pressed, and Virgil felt the wind get knocked from his chest. He wanted to fling the question back at the short pastel man, but then he felt Roman’s hand on his thigh and just nodded.

“Maybe,” he squeaked out, and hoped that it would be satisfactory for the others.

-

Virgil clambered into bed after undressing, leaving only his boxers, same as Roman, who was already in bed. Roman had been strangely quiet since after the truth or dare game, and Virgil didn’t want to push anything. But he knew they’d need to talk about it at some point.

“Ro… if I… said something that upset you, if you don’t want… what I want… I’m sorry,” he managed, burying his face into his boyfriend’s shoulder. Roman chuckled a little bit, running his long fingers through Virgil’s fringe.

“Virge, I do want that, but you don’t need to worry,” he responded finally, and Virgil looked up at his smiling face. “That’s a long time from now. We have so much ahead of us that we don’t know the outcome of yet, but I do know for sure that I want you to be in my life. Whatever form that takes. Marriage, kids, travelling the world, lots of houseplants? I’m all in, okay?”

“Yeah, me too.”

Somewhere down the line, those things would come true. Roman would end up right off-Broadway. Virgil would become a founding member (along with Emile) of an LGBT online therapy forum where he provided service to young kids who needed an ear to listen and resources provided to them. 

Eventually, they’d get married and get a dog, and they’d have lots of houseplants in their New York apartment. No kids, but they didn’t need kids. They had each other. They had love and slow dancing in the middle of their living room with their dog lounging at their feet. And that was more than enough.

-

_ epilogue: a return to the botanical gardens _

Patton blinked at the empty space beside him in bed. All that was there was the imprint of his boyfriend of three years and a notecard, the front of it bearing his name in Remus’ signature scrawl. Patton reached for his glasses first, settling them onto his nose before he flipped open the card.

_ Good Morning, little flower. I hope you slept well! _

_ I’ve drawn you a warm bath and left out some clothes for you to change into. After that, put on whatever makeup you’d like and head downstairs, where I’ve asked Janus to make you your favorite breakfast. Take your time eating and enjoying it, and when you’re ready, Logan is going to drive you to a special location. _

_ I’ll be waiting for you. _

_ -Re _

Patton’s eyes wandered around the room, scanning over their framed university diplomas before landing on the dresser, where a stack of clothes sat underneath a freshly picked sunflower. He took his time in the bath, even doing a face mask, even though his whole body trembled with anticipation. He did his makeup in the way he knew Remus loved (bright eyeshadow, bright lipstick, pale blush) and then stared at the clothes that had been left for him. It was a pale blue skirt, gray short-sleeved button-up, and pale green cardigan, and there were some white tights. 

Patton got dressed slowly, then stepped into his favorite pair of white pumps before grabbing his bag and heading downstairs. He spotted Roman and Virgil on the couch, the former’s eyes glued to his phone screen as if he was trying his hardest to not look at Patton. Virgil’s head was in Roman’s lap as he napped, so Patton passed them and went into the kitchen. Logan was seated at the dining table, a mug of coffee in his hand and a book in the other; Janus was at the stove in his yellow apron, flipping bacon.

“Good morning,” Patton said quietly, setting his bag down as he took a seat at the table. He slowly ate the french toast, bacon, and grapes that Janus set in front of him, and sipped at his tea. Once he was finished, Logan set his book and mug down, nodded to Janus, and led Patton out to his car. “Lo, where are we going?”

“Sorry, Pat. I’m sworn to secrecy,” Logan said as he climbed into the driver’s seat. Patton sat on the passenger side, fingers twisting together with nerves. 

“He’s going to propose, isn’t he?” Patton asked after they had been on the road for a few minutes. Logan blinked but said nothing, and Patton smiled faintly, looking out the window at all of the passing buildings. Logan pulled into a parking lot not long after and parked in a spot, then took a deep breath.

“He’s waiting for you inside,” was all he said, and Patton leaned over to kiss his best friend’s cheek. “You can leave your bag in here.”

“Thank you, Logan,” he whispered before climbing out of the car, eyes focusing on the botanical gardens. It took all of his power to not run into the building, into Remus’ arms; instead, he walked in slowly, following the signs that bore his name, pointing him towards the rose gardens. 

When he stepped into the area, there were fairy lights everywhere, and in the middle of it all, was Remus, standing there in his green suit looking incredibly nervous, but he had the biggest smile on his face. Patton walked up to him and let himself be pulled into a warm hug and a swift kiss, and then Remus took his hands.

“You look so beautiful, little flower,” he said softly, and Patton blushed, not wanting to look away from his boyfriend’s face. “On our first date, in this place, you told me that you wanted to be with someone who understands how special you can be. Patton, you…” Remus took a deep breath, and Patton noticed tears brimming at the edge of his eyes, and he knew that he was crying, too. “You are the most special person I’ve ever had the joy of knowing and loving, and… these past few years? They’ve been the most amazing of my whole life.” Patton knew what was coming, but he still felt his heartbeats speed up when Remus shakily moved to get onto one knee. “I want to experience more amazing years with you, little flower,” he pulled a box out of his pocket, and Patton audibly gasped, the tears streaming down his face steadily now as the box was opened, revealing a ring. “Patton Hart, will you marry me?”

Patton didn’t trust his voice, so he nodded emphatically, leaning down to grab Remus’ face and kiss him with as much fervor as he did that very first day, soft lips on perennially chapped ones, and he got onto his knees with Remus, pulling his fiancé as close to him as possible. “Yes, Remus,  _ yes _ .” 

Patton barely registered the cheering and flashes of light that came from around him, but he was swept onto his feet by Remus and then he was surrounded by all of his friends and his mother and he was sobbing, clinging to Remus as everyone voiced their congratulations, as Remus finally slid the ring onto his finger. He was full of emotions and love and adoration. 

He looked at Remus, who was also crying, Roman’s hand on his shoulder as he boasted about his plans to be the greatest best man who ever lived, which made both Janus and Logan scoff. Virgil was holding Patton’s polaroid camera, and had a few developed ones already stuffed into his hoodie pocket. Patton couldn’t wait to hang them over the mantle of the place they’d all called home for almost three years alongside the photos from all of their graduations and birthdays and the holidays they’d spent together.

Later that evening, as Patton curled into Remus’ arms, he twiddled with the ring on his finger, thinking back over some of the moments they’d spent together. From that first day at the botanical garden to the performances that Roman and Virgil worked so hard on, and to their lives all blending together in the house that they could all call  _ home _ … it was almost too good to be true.

But it was meant to be. It started with a simple crush, with a game of truth or dare, all of it leading to… this. A life. Built together with six broken pieces, but they were able to fix up their own boundaries so that their lives fit together, even though they were all so different. 

It was inevitable. And it was perfect.

-

_ 'Cause I can't help falling in love, _

_ Falling in love, I keep falling in love with you _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all SO SO SO MUCH for following along on this journey! i hope you all loved this AU as much as i loved writing it and sharing it. i’ll probably come back to this AU to write some one-shots or something in the future (and ya’ll can request things you wanna see with this version of the characters, if you want!). this started off as a conversation with @winterrose42 on tumblr about the twins trying to get each other with their roommate and it turned into a ten part, 30k+ word endeavor that took over two months of my life but gave me so much to look forward to during this awful period of my life. writing this honestly brought me so much joy and seeing your reactions every week made every tearful night trying to figure out the plot of the next part or every late night staying up to finish this absolutely worth it.
> 
> just. thank you. so much. i love you all ;a;
> 
> (also, please check out my other works, i would appreciate that so much!)


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